Ice Skating on Horseback

The Magic Peanut Staff

There was a very fat toaster cat named Zane, who ate only hot dogs. He was a complete jerk to other cats, because he would sneak into their houses, into their bedrooms, and he would turn the light on and off and on and off until they would wake up, and he would run away as fast as he could. 

He lived on the planet of toasters, where giant oysters could live freely without having to be harassed by the random squids that invaded many other planets.

Anyway, Zane was on a quest to find the Magical Peanut Staff. He traveled through many lands to try and find it, but the true location of the staff was unknown. Nevertheless, he devoted his whole life to find it. 

When he was at the library last week, doing some research, Zane found there was a rumor that the Magical Peanut Staff was stolen by bandits in the Deserted Desert of Desserts. This was quite an outrage to his people. Zane was a native toaster cat. The Magical Peanut Staff belonged with its kind. He called a mammoth taxi and drove to the Deserted Desert of Desserts.

The Deserted Desert of Desserts was a horrible place. There were giant cakes and bowls of ice cream everywhere, and you couldn't even take a bite out of them. And the absolute worst was that there were no hot dog desserts!

Zane, the fat cat landed on top of the Grand Pancake Palace, where the Oyster King lived. Maybe the king knew something about the bandits who stole the Magical Peanut Staff. He went on inside, marveling at the walls that were covered in maple syrup.

An office clerk greeted him at the door.

"Um, hello," Zane said. "I need to speak to the Oyster King."

"Nobody speaks to the Oyster King," the clerk said.

"Agh," Zane groaned, frustrated. "Okay, fine. Who can I talk to, then? This is important! I need to know about the Magical Peanut Staff! It needs to be with its native people!"

"Too bad! The Oyster King is having a lemon massage right now; he can't talk to anyone!"

"Did I mention that I am a native toaster cat?" the fat cat leaned on the clerk's desk. "Have you ever tried toast with peanut butter? I haven't, but it's supposed to be really good!"

"Sorry," the clerk said. "Can't help you right now."

Zane muttered and stepped outside. He sat down heavily on the ground, leaning on the pancake wall. He licked his paw and rubbed it on his face. He looked around the corner, where another toaster cat was watching him.

"Pssst!" the toaster cat hissed at him. "Over here!"

Zane prowled over to him."What is it? Who are you?

"I am the Oyster King's unpaid intern," the toaster cat explained. "I know where you can find the Magical Peanut Staff."

"Pfft, yeah right!" Zane said. He began to walk away.

"No, wait! Seriously!" the toaster cat ran after him. "I'll give you a grilled hotdog with mustard and relish on it."

Zane the fat cat turned around instantly. He snatched the hotdog from the toaster cat's hands and shoved it into his mouth.

"Ah, now that I have your attention," the toaster cat began. "I know where the Staff is."

"Just tell me, already!" Zane was becoming impatient.

"You will find it," the cat said. "Inside the Lord of Root Beer!"

"Okay, now you're just wasting my time!" Zane said, walking away again.

"Wait! Seriously! I'm being seriously!" the toaster cat ran up to him again. "You need to get it back. The Peanut Staff is sacred to us Toaster Cats. Why do you think peanut butter goes so well on toast?"

"I wouldn't know; I only eat hotdogs," Zane said. 

"Well, it's really good."

Zane thought for a little bit. "Alright, fine. I'll look for the Magical Peanut Staff inside the Lord of Root Beer. After all, he's just an empty soda can."

Zane marched away to begin his quest. But before he could go after the Lord of Root Beer, he needed to go to the bubble-shooter store on top of Caramel Mountain. It was quite a long hike, but he finally made it. He went to the front counter to buy a bubble shooter. 

"Give me your best bubble-shooter," Zane demanded to the puppy that was running the front counter.

"Sorry, but there's a three-day waiting period," the puppy said. 

"No time!" Zane yelled. "I must go against the Lord of Root Beer to retrieve the Magical Peanut Staff!"

"Wait, what?" the puppy questioned. "The Root Beer Lord has the Peanut Staff?"

"Yes." 

"Well, I still can't give you a bubble-shooter now, but if you let me assist you on your quest, I'll let you use one of mine!" the puppy leaped onto the counter. "My name's Jack. I am one-hundred percent loyal to the mighty Toaster Cats!"

"Alright, well fine," Zane muttered. He didn't really like puppies, but he needed that bubble-shooter to defeat the Lord of Root Beer.

They went off in another Mammoth Taxi to the Root Beer Float castle. It was really just a floating root beer mug in a lake of melted icecream. At least it had a hotdog stand near the front door.

After a fifteen minute lunch break, Zane and Jack went inside. Jack was hiding the bubble-shooter behind his back. They would try peaceful measures at first.

"Lord of Root Beer," Jack bowed before him.

"What is it?" the Lord of Root Beer inquired.

"I believe you have something that belongs to my people," Zane the fat toaster cat said. "We ask you kindly to give it back.

"Give what back?"

"The Magical Peanut Staff."

"Well, too bad!!" The Lord of Root Beer shouted. "I enjoy having the Peanut Staff! Now, I can have peanut butter on anything I want! And nothing will make me give it back!"

 Zane and Jack glanced at each other. 

"This is your last chance," Jack said. "We tried to reason with you." 

"Nope," the Lord of Root Beer said. 

Jack pulled the bubble-shooter from behind his back. It started making a really huge bubble. It engulfed the Lord of Root Beer.

The old soda can yawned and covered his mouth. "Is that the best you can do?'

Zane and Jack looked at each other nervously. Zane took the bubble-shooter from Jack's hands and he fired tons of bubbles. But they left the Lord of Root Beer without a scratch. Zane and Jack sighed in defeat.

Suddenly, a comet crashed into the Root Beer Float castle, and it squashed the Lord of Root Beer's secretary, Jim. Zane and Jack rushed to the comet. They saw that there was a baby space whale riding on top of it.

"Uhhhh," the secretary groaned under the weight of the comet. The baby space whale jumped up and landed on top of the great Lord of Root Beer. 

The ghost of Elvis Presley appeared before Zane and Jack. "Thank you, thank you very much," he mumbled, and he gave both the fat toaster cat and the bubble puppy their own Magical Peanut Staffs. 

"I thought there was only one," Zane said.

"It's Elvis's ghost, Zane," Jack said. "He can do anything. Especially multiplying."

They waved goodbye as the ghost of Elvis jumped on his baby space whale and rocketed off to 55 Cancri e, the planet made of diamond. 

Zane looked at the Magical Peanut Staff. He had been searching for it all his life, and he finally got it.

"Now, what should we do?" Jack said.

"Let's go to McDonalds," Zane replied. And they both ordered double cheeseburgers.

After that, they made their own restaraunt, called Murpatoofles. Everything served there had peanut butter. It was so successful, that they started to make peanut butter computer chips. Zane and Jack lived on to be the most powerful and rich people in the world.