To Love an Addict

Looking back

If you asked me then if I would've had this life, in high school, I would've laughed at you. I would've told you that you were crazy and that in no way shape or form would I have sunken as low as I did. I would've told you that I had friends, and dreams, and goals for my future and that's all I cared about. I don't know where in God's mind had he decided that I was strong enough to handle the life. 

I've never been into religon. In that moment though, I had believed there was only God, no such thing as a devil. I believed that if there was some chance of one existing it would be a little red man with a tail and horns, I never imagined the devil could change forms into the most innocent eyes, into the little powder that would nearly ruin my life.

Before it had come into my life, I was happy. I rarely stressed. I was a straight A student and didn't have a worry in the world. My family was close and we rarely fought. I was an in the closet  bisexual and was okay with hiding it. I had everything. My music was everything and I couldn't imagine not picking up the instrument that I had grown to love, the one that had been apart of me. 

Then I meant her. My life completely changed. My whole world was turned upside down. I don't regret a thing though. She was and will always be the love of my life. She's the fire in my stomach that makes me fight every single day, even when my own fire burned out through out the years. I don't want to make the world hate what she is, but merely understand. I want the people who are going through this to know there is hope. My hope ran out too many times, my will to stay ran out more than once, but here I am today.