That emptiness inside of me is just growing. Day by day, it's hurting so much to breath. Don't tell I should go out with friends,
Have you ever felt that you are drowning? When you face the tides of darkness and emptiness you while chocking. Looking for an exit,. But you can't find it. That's how I feel
every day. It gradually creeps into you. When you are vulnerable. You can't sleep, eat or even breath. You're just laying there in you're bed after a long fight with depression, but it always wins in the end and pulls you to your bed. You can't even go make yourself something to eat. Just thinking about going and preparing food and table makes you tired even more. So you just suffice what you ate yesterday or the day before. You've lost your appetite, you've lost everything, now..you're just.. nothing!
When you look at yourself in the mirror, you feel weak, hopeless and shameful . you hate yourself so much and just think that you're a Heavy burden on people. You are just a mess. You're totally sure that the world will be a better place without you, without you... everything would get better.
You're thoughts are driving you insane. When it's just getting harder and harder to breath, when you're thought are hunting you everywhere. You just think about ending it. You're not brave enough to shout it. Even if you do, no one will believe you. Your family will tell you that you are just making something out of nothing. Friends will say that it's just a period and you'll get over. But they just don't understand you, they just don't.. so you just decide to end it.
You get this knife, gun or whatever you want to end your life with. And you bring a paper and a pen, here you are now, writing a suicide letter, it's not the first one you write but you know this I going to be the last one. You start to think and write.. you're apologizing, saying sorry for something you know it's wrong, you have the choice and power to not do it but you chose to do it. Because it's what you've convinced yourself it is right.
