I am a fourteen-year-old girl, who has lived more than her age. She saw life unless a man saw him in the 1970s. That have not found a place to hide from that beast that wanted to take her blessing from her, and no refuge in this time that has no mercy. I can say that I gave in. Yes, life took what wanted from me. It defeated me but I still want to live ..! It's true that I rarely see happiness and it been for years that I didn't see happiness. A day been a day without crying or a week without cutting my arteries. I know I'm smart enough to separate from everyone but I still have the heart of that child who can not stay alone. I was really tired of being weak, and how I longed for the strong, the papilla, which was full of love, tenderness and hope ... but I became quite the opposite .. I became dreamless, aimless, almost nothing. I lived most of my childhood. I think that adult life is easier. I have lived my entire life with that void inside me, although I have always tried to occupy myself with other things, until I have lost myself in this wild world. I can not bear to be me anymore. But isn't it strange that after all this I couldn't describe that feeling? How to get rid of it? I remember when I thought that the body and the mind were completely different until that day came, when I spent my sleep that morning, and the traces of blood were still in my hands, I could not move a shadow of my body, literally, as if blood were no longer in my veins, Mitte? It's impossible to die now, I'm dead for a long time, I'm just a body walking over the ground and I do not think I'm the only one. I am not the only one who is lost in this great, monstrous world. I lived all my life with this false courage. Wish it wasn't not fake! I left this world years ago ..! I lived all my life looking for that courage in me, and how much I wanted to get out and finished this damned life but only words came out. And here I am looking for it again and here the words coming out again, but how I wish the words would be enough to take out what is inside me. And how to make it if it does not exist at all. Yes, it is a vacuum, a vacuum that never ends, no matter how much you try to cover it ...
