Angels Flying

Let it Go

Chapter 11: Let it Go

"Elliot... Your brother is here to see you..."

Broke the silence in the dark, lonely room, this did. I lied  there on the bed. Tissues surround me in small hills to towering mountains. I have been in here for days like this. After going back to school, I realized that I just... can't yet... It is just too painful. He saved me... and now he is gone.

"Elliot? Please... let me in..."

A soft voice pierces the silent room again. This time, it was Aaron.

"Just... go away Aaron." I reply after a long minute.

"Elliot... Please?"

I want to let him in so bad... but I can't. I love him too much for him to see me like this. Granted, we haven't spoken in weeks but he is still my brother. Even out of all this time, he still sent me a late birthday card. In December, he didn't have any time to get me anything because of our parents so he sent me one 2 weeks ago. When I got it, I started crying but Andy's mom cheered me up. The day after we got word... we were supposed to get together but after learning about Andy's death... I couldn't.

"Just go Aaron...just go..." right now, I just want to kill myself. How can one person go through so much pain? My life has just been nothing but a rollercoaster. It had a brief high and now it is at the end. There is just... no reason for me to live. Nobody ever really cared for me. Why was I even born? I am just casing heartache in lives that shouldn't have any. I don't deserve to be here. I deserve... No... Why are you even thinking about this!?! Andy wouldn't tolerate this thinking... He wouldn't at all... He said he loved me and that is all that matters... Right? Soon, I drift off into a dark  sleep. Consumed by sadness came thoughts of joy and light, but ended abrupt in each moment of love with me waking up in a  cold sweat.

Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I jump so high my head hits the top of the bunk bed. I don't really know why he still had one but... I guess he liked them. Oh god. Stop! Don't go there! Don't go there. Fluffy kittens. River otters. Guinea pigs... Control yourself. Do it for him.

"Elliot?" I door opens a little and I jump again.

"Are you going to school today?" Andy's mom asks in a calm voice.

I have been home for a week or so. I feel really grouse to be honest. Anyway, the fresh air will help. No matter what happens, it will be better out of this dark and dingy room and outside in the light, warm day.

"I guess so..." I reply to her not very enthusiastically.

"Okay Elliot." She closes the door so gently I don't even hear the door close.

I get up and grab a fluffy towel from the linen closet.  In the bathroom, I turn on the warm water and switch it to the shower nozzle. As I get undressed, I look at myself in the mirror. I look at my imperfections (scars). Though still healing, they will never completely go away. Even my powers of Spring and Summer don't help them. I can only heal other people, not myself.

I notice some steam coming from the shower so I look over. Looks like the shower is ready. The running water on my soft skin feels so... relaxing. The warmth reminds me of Andy... his sweet kisses... The warmth of his heart one with mine... I really needed this. Soon the water began to cool down so that means time for me to get out. I turn off the water and grab my towel from the towel rack. I just tie it around my waist and grab my bed clothes.

It was a lot colder outside the bathroom. It was like as soon as I open the door, polar winds burst into the room. But whatevs. It's not like the cold bothers me. My heart is already ice anyway. I slowly dry myself making sure I was completely dry and not semi dry or what not. Afterwards, I apply some lotion and foundation to cover a small blemish on my face. I brush my white, wet hair in the mirror. I never thought I would see it white in Spring. Usually my hair by now is so blonde, it is like gold in the light. I sigh and open the closet. For the first time ever, I am wearing all dark colors... my shirt is a very dark purple (I mean dark. It is almost black.) see through silk with lace on it. I leave the first 2 buttons unbuttoned. I feel totally Gothed out right now. (If that is even a word.) I wear black dress pants that are tight in their style with black, semi pointy boots. Around my neck, a very dark purple, see through, silk scarf. To complete the outfit, I grab out my black, floor length cape.