Merlin One Shots

Life and Love Go On

I stand at the ramparts and look out over the Lower Town. I have come here every day since Arthur's death. This is where I have the best memories of him other than random places in the woods of Camelot, and though the memories make me sad the grief is worth the occasional smile our escapades bring to my face.

- - - - - -

"Merlin?" Arthur asks me.

"Shut up?" I guess.

"You guessed it." Arthur assures me. He shoves me. Against my better judgement I shove him back. I see the look in his eyes and run away towards the castle. Arthur chases after me yelling punishments at me.

- - - - - - - -

I am pulled out of my memories by a soft voice behind me. "May I join you?"

I whirl around and find myself face to face with Princess Mithian. She looks concerned and I realize that there are tears running down my cheeks.

I reach up to wipe them away but she grabs my wrist to stop me. "It's alright, Merlin. I know you miss him." With her words I feel more tears start to flow. I try to hold them back but the pain is too strong, too fresh and there is nothing I can do. "It's okay to cry, Merlin."

Each word she says feels like a knife being stabbed into my heart. I HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRY. I tell myself. IT WAS MY JOB TO SAVE HIM AND I FAILED. I hate myself for crying and I hate Mithian for bringing these feelings to the surface.

"No it's not!!!!" I scream at her. Something in the back of my mind tells me that it is irrational to take out my anger and grief on her but I don't listen to it. This outburst is long overdo and I have no control over it. "It's my fault he died and nothing you say can change that!!!" I stomp my foot on the ground. "I wish everyone would quit trying to reassure me that I am not to blame and just LET ME GRIEVE!!!"

I am breathing heavily now. Mithian didn't even take a step back. She just stood there and took my anger.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "Sorry." I say again, turning around again to face away from her.

Mithian steps up beside me and wraps her arm around my back. "Hey, it's okay." I am crying again now. She begins to rub small circles on my back. "You're okay."

When I finally get control of my tears an idea occurs to me. "Not to be rude, it's wonderful to see you again, but why are you here, Mithian?" I ask.

She smiles at me. "Gwen sent for me. She seems to think we 'Got along very nicely' last time we met. As I recall I almost got you killed." She explains.

"Thank-you for coming." I tell her. "It's nice to have you here again. Really it is. I'm sorry I'm in such a foul mood." I apologize.

"It's fine. And Merlin, it's really nice to see you again."

Mithian places her hand on my cheek. I move my hand to behind her neck. Suddenly I feel as though I am being pulled into her deep red-brown eyes. I move closer to her and she does the same. Our lips are inches apart, our noses are touching. Suddenly we are kissing, a hungry yearning fire covers my body. I feel more alive than I have since the day Arthur died.

When we finally pull apart we are both breathing heavily. My arms are wrapped around her back and I pull her tightly to my chest.

I remember Freya and feel a pang of guilt. I start to loosen my grip on Mithian and back away but then I realize, Freya would want me to move on. She made me very happy and though it was for a short time it was worth it. But I don't need to dwell on the past.

I pull Mithian close to again. Then we pull apart and walk hand in hand back to the castle.

As we walk away from the ramparts I take one last look over my shoulder. Life and love go on, I decide, and it's time I did too.