Numb

Ok so a bit of warning beforehand. This story does include suicide and is sort detailed so a bit of a tigger warning. This was written to bring awareness to this and I hope you enjoy :)

"I had a best friend whose name was Josh. I never thought I would have to live life without him." Jenna took a shaky breath. The therapist, Dr. Davis, held her hand and nodded for her to continue.
"He was so full of life. Josh helped keep me on my feet and in line. My parents appreciated it because then they wouldn't have to deal with me." She paused and laughed, "You know, we were voted 'Most Likely To Get Married'? We laughed and shrugged it off but I can't help to think if there was something more between us. I had my whole life ahead of me. I wasn't thinking about marriage! He might have been though..." Jenna jerked her hand back and brought her knees to her chest.
Dr. Davis leaned back and sighed, "Jenna, how about you tell me about that night. You know when-"
"I know." The young girl's voice cracked and she didn't dare to look the man in the eyes.
"So will you tell me? It will really help your recovery, Jenna." Dr. Davis pleaded with Jenna. She mumbled something her breath and drew her knees in closer.
"What was that Jenna?"
"It hurts to think about.."
Dr. Davis couldn't imagine how devastating that night must have been. The therapist knelt in front of Jenna and took both of her hands, "Jenna. You came to me for help. I intend to give to you but this is a two way street. Now, tell me everything that happened that night."
Jenna sighed and looked into Dr. Davis's pleading eyes with her own that were full of despair. If she told him, Dr. Davis would be the first person to hear what happened on the night of Joshua Morrison's suicide.
"Okay, now start with when you realized that he was going to take his life."
* * *
I ran into the house to see if he was there. He wasn't. When I went into his room, it was spotlessly clean except for the lone, sealed envelope on the bed. I skimmed through it and saw the word "goodbye" written at the end. I sprinted from the house to my car. My best friend was jumping from the Bank of America Plaza.
When I finally reached the top of the bank, which was at least 500 feet in the air, I saw a figure standing on the ledge. I clutched my best friend's goodbye note in my hand. I knew that figure was Josh. Who else would be up here?
I was shaking. We were standing on top of one of the tallest building in Charlotte, North Carolina. The wind was blowing furiously and felt the bullets of rain against my skin. I could see Josh take a step forward. I screamed, "Josh, no!"
At that moment, the boy froze. He thought no one cared about his life. He thought he was a burden to his family. He knew that continuing in life would be impossible. It had to end now but when he heard my voice, he thought everything might be okay.
"Jenna?" I could hear the pain in his voice. I had known him for so long. A flurry of thoughts raged through my head all at once.
"Why now? How come I never knew? He's my best friend, I know everything about him!" No, I never knew anything.
"Josh... please come down. We can talk." I shakily took a step towards him. This step was almost fatal because it caused him to flinch.
"Jenna. Stop. There's nothing to talk about, not anymore. Leave, please! This is my decision." Josh was shouting by the end. He was angry at life and at himself.
"Josh I'm not going anywhere. You're my best friend!" I didn't dare to take another step.
"No one cares anymore. This is MY choice. No one else's. If I do this, it will make my parents happy. You can live your life for once. Just let me go, Jen." He turns his back on me preparing to jump.
"JOSH! Please wait. Listen to me. I know life has been terrible financially for your family. They would miss you dearly if you left. Do you know how much more of life you've yet to see? So much. And we're going to see it together! But if you end your life now we can never do that."
For a split second I had thought it worked. Over the honking of the traffic below, I heard him whisper, "We both know that won't happen. Once we graduate this year, you're leaving. Don't deny it Jen. I've heard you talking with your friends. Do me the honor of leaving and forgetting me now."
His voice was so emotionless, but there were tears streaming down his face. I had no response. With tears and makeup stained on my face, I looked up and saw it happen. He jumped and disappeared from my sight. I collapsed onto my knees. He was gone and it was all my fault.
The screams of people below me were muffled. Everything was becoming a blur. Fire rescue found me in the same spot on the roof. I remained staring where my best friend once stood. They brought me down outside to the street. Everything was moving in slow motion at the time. Josh's parents were crying over his lifeless body. There wasn't much blood but the way he laid was just not right. There was police tape around the scene and the lights were blending together. My parents were looking at colleges with my brother. People were trying to talk me and asked questions like:
"What's your name?"
"Are you okay?"
"Where are your parents?"
"How do you know this boy?"
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"Do you need someone?"
These were easy questions. My name is Jenna King. I didn't know if I was okay. My parents were out of town. I was alone. That boy was my best friend. I don't want to talk about what happened.
One question that caught me by surprise was, "How are you feeling?"
I... I didn't know how I felt. I knew I should have been devastated, bawling my eyes out and denying what happened. I wanted to be angry at him, what he said, what he didn't say and what he did. Overall though, I just felt numb. I mindlessly answered questions people asked, but no one got the answers they wanted.
The police called my parents, but they weren't able to come home at the time. It was arranged for me to go stay with my Aunt Lisa and cousin Oliver in Raleigh, North Carolina. I was told she already scheduled me an appointment with Oliver's therapist. "Great," I thought, "Just what I need. Someone to force stuff out of me thinking that it will help. No, it won't help. I'm not telling him anything!"