Renege // The Avengers

epilogue.

Steve stood beside the tree a good amount of ways away from the scene. His attire wasn't even appropriate to get closer anyway. The plaid shirt and brown leather jacket wasn't exactly funeral attire. When he had woken up he had become used to passing a busy Carmen scrambling with paperwork and her coffee but today she wasn't there to say her questionable hello as she barely paid attention to who she was talking to.

Steve immediately went to Fury and he revealed the news she was at a funeral. Specifically one of his very own friends. He hadn't been hurt that he wasn't invited. He was thought to be dead but he was hurt Carmen didn't mention it. Frankie was the first real connection other than Bucky she had made when joining America. And now he was gone.

"Frankie was my best friend. When I first came here he was the one who taught me everything I know today. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't possible know English as well as I do now" the crowd chuckled and his heart clenched as he saw Carmen. Her usually untamed hair was fixed up and curled and for a moment he got a glimpse of the Carmen he had first met.

"Frankie was there for me through everything. He was there for when I lost my best friend and the love of my life to war. He was even there when I didn't have a home. I ended up living with him for a year with his beautiful wife and First son while she was pregnant with a girl" Carmen nodded to a woman and a man in the front row and they gave her light smiles.

"I've been through a lot and I can tell you Frankie was here for all of it. If there anyone I could rely on it was him. Whether if it was boy issues or I couldn't remember the word Is" Steve turned slightly as the memories filled his head. When he had been caught kissing another girl or every time Bucky chuckled and had to remind her to say is. The cupcakes, the stories, the hugs, the missed chances at a first kiss, and the very last moment they spent together.

"I don't doubt that Frankie is up in the sky right now teaching others how to speak the millions of different languages he knew or the random scientific equations. He was absolutely brilliant and for getting the chance to now him I am extremely overjoyed. There is only one thing in life you can't replace and it's the memories and I'm glad most of mine include him" cheers erupted and she smiled as she stepped down from the podium and service continued on until they lowered the casket into the ground. Carmen had stood there with her hands linked in front of her and zero emotion to be seen.

When the service had ended Carmen moved to greet the people who had come and thanked them. Once she had seen Freddie and his sister Anna we're okay she had began her way towards her car where Steve had purposely situated himself.

"That was amazing" she looked up to see him leaning against her car. Her heart lurched inside her chest and she sighed.

"Steve" he chuckled lightly at her and her surprise.

"When I found out I decided it be best I stop by. Pay my respects" he said and she nodded and moved towards the car where he slid out of her way so she could unlock it.

"That's nice of you" she said throwing her purse in the front seat. As she turned back to him he finally got to the point.

"How are you taking it?" he asked and she shrugged and looked towards where he laid.

"I'm fine" he gave her a knowing look and she sighed and leaned against the car beside him. She had been upset because the man she had been so close with seemed so foreign now. Especially after all the crude things that were said. They were Carmen and Steve and now they were just two people who barely understood each other.

"I don't feel anything" Steve bumped her shoulder lightly but she shook her head.

"I'm being serious. After, after Howard died I thought I would be a mess. I lived with him since the war ended. I helped raise Tony and suddenly him and his wife Maria were ripped right from my hands. I wasn't a mess though. I didn't feel anything. I feel so guilty because I still can't feel anything. I can barely remember what it's like to be happy, sad, angry or even just love. Steve, I've lost grip of who I truly am" she ranted and Steve stood up straight as she spoke. It had all made sense. The missing emotion and devoid in her eyes. Her saying she didn't love him. She didn't feel anything at all.

"I'm tired of living. I can't do it much more" Steve pulled her into her chest as light cries fell from her. She wrapped her arms around his torso and the feeling was so welcoming but long forgotten. It was as if she wasn't in her soul mates arms. The one who singlehandedly carried her across borders with 400 soldiers behind and read her amazing stories. It was just some guy.

"But you can" she pulled away slightly and wiped at her eyes.

"Your Carmen and from the day I met you, you never failed to conquer anything in your way. You just need to somehow learn to feel again" she nodded slowly and he smiled.

"Now-" he was cut off by the sound of their phones buzzing. They both pulled his out to see it was time to send Thor and Loki back to Asgard, with the cube.

"We have to go" it was as if the moment was just forgotten and both of them hopped into their car or on their bike and took off.

The group met in a blocked off area and without much words began the process. Loki was muzzled and stood tensely as Thor shook hands with everyone.

"Thank you Lady Carmen" he said as he gripped her hand and she smiled.

"No, thank you" he gave her a small nod and stepped back. Tony opened the Tesseract case and Banner took it out and placed it inside the glass tube held by Thor. Thor gave Loki the other end and he reluctantly took it before they activated it and jump into the energy beam.

"Will you guys be okay?" Carmen asked walking up to Tony and Bruce and they nodded.

"Of course. I promise Auntie Car, if I need anything I'll call" Tony said reaching forward and hugging one of the only elders he had left.

"Be careful" she warned them as they moved towards his car.

"We always are, we're science bro's" she rolled her eyes and the two sped off. Natasha and Clint looked to Carmen for orders and she nodded towards the S.H.I.E.L.D. cars and they went. As she turned Steve stood there. The last.

"So" he said and she chuckled.

"So I'm gonna go back to S.H.I.E.L.D.. Get a few things done before I go home" she said and he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So your not gonna stay at S.H.I.E.L.D.?" he asked and she shrugged.

"After what just happened I don't think I should be to involved anymore. Julia is getting older and now she has these powers and who knows. Maybe my line of work is not for me anymore" she said and he looked at her amazed.

"But you've been running S.H.I.E.L.D. since day one" she shrugged slightly and looked around.

"Day one was 70 some years ago. Change is good and who knows. I'll be back. I'm not completely leaving, just taking a break. Trying to do what's best" the two started walking towards their vehicles.

"What are the few things you have to do?" he asked and she chuckled.

"Well I got to officially hand things of to Nick for a bit. He's a good leader and I trust him to make the right decisions. All I know is I'm gonna go home. I think I have an idea of where it is but I'm not sure yet. All I know is I need to figure some things out and give myself a break. But I promise. Me and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s relationship is far from over. I'll be back to running things, I just need some time" Steve looked to the ground and finally what he had really wanted to say came out.

"So I won't be seeing you for a while again" her heart clenched as she spoke and she stepped closer to him.

"I don't think it's our time yet. And I know. 70 years later and we still can't find the right time to be together but I think we need to find forgiveness in our heart. I'm not the same Carmen I was, I need to learn how to feel again and you need to learn how to just be Steve again" she slowly reached out and pulled his hand out of his pocket and placed it in hers.

"I promise this isn't goodbye. And this time I won't break that Promise" she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Steve froze up as he remembered everything. Why he loved her and what she meant to him.

"I love you" she smiled slightly and stepped back.

"I love you too"