Ready Set Go

3. Anxiety

She hated her name, the way she looked and the way she felt. Hated her family most of all. The biological ones. The drugs, the fighting, the men -- so many damned men. The uncertainty of the environment that they pulled her from bringing them into her family. The Jacob's, they were gone and Awan wasn't saying anything about it.

Her guts twisted. Her insides fought between not wanting to eat to wanting to eat everything, to wanting to vomit. But she knew vomiting would be a waste of what food Awan was able to find for them.

They said that God brought her to them. The Jacobs claimed that they were going to be with her always. That this was her last stop there wasn't going to be anything to worry about anymore. They were her home.

She understood why they both went. She understood that they felt it was safer for the kids to stay home because there wasn't that many people around here.

But every night it feels like gunfire is louder, longer and just a stone toss away. She wasn't sure if it was really that close but it felt like it.

It felt like everything was pushing toward her, ready to suffocate her at any moment. There wasn't anywhere that she could safely run to. There was no one else she knew or trusted.

She sat in the closet in the dark with her knees pressed against her chest. Her sister left a gun and the rations that she'd be willing to eat. She wasn't picky per se, but there was some things that she didn't like throwing up.

"Be brave. You're a badass." Was one of the things Awan told her before leaving her. Awan believed everything she said to her. But she wasn't so sure about any of it. She wasn't brave. She was hiding in the closet forcing herself from shaking or crying for fear of someone hearing her.

She hated that they couldn't reach them. Awan assured her it was normal for their parents not to use the tech as frequently as they would. They were practically born with it whereas their parents were already adults when it became available.

Sometimes they just simply forgot that they could activate the chip.

Awan never lived between nightmares and more nightmares. She has always had the Jacobs. She has always known some sort of peace. But I know good things don't last.