White Dragon Stories

Flaws

Hakuryuu had a relatively good self-awareness. He knew about his insecurities and his flaws and he knew about his good points – although there weren't many according to him. Well, his self-awareness was not perfect, thus he always saw himself more in a bad light. This, however, was relatively normal. A lot of humans focused more on their bad traits instead of their good ones. Hakuryuu knew he wasn't as smart, strong, charismatic and good-looking as others, which did not mean that he saw himself as stupid or ugly – although the giant scar on his face and the scars on his body made him feel inferior and he tried to hide them, because they were not a pleasant sight for him or anyone else. However, he saw himself as weak and this was something probably everyone around him agreed upon, although most of them did not say it out loud. A mere servant calling a prince weak? This only happened behind the prince's back, but never would a servant dare to say it into his face. Maybe it was better that way for everyone. It was already hard enough to know that everyone was looking down on him, he didn't want and needed to hear it out of their mouths.
His negative thoughts about himself were also strengthened by the constant rejections he received. Not only was he not smart, not good-looking, not strong enough, he also was not loved and did not deserve to be loved. He had no right to fight for his believes or to defend himself. This assumption was confirmed by the way others treated him. His sister had rejected him, when he needed her the most, his love was rejected by Morgiana, his supposed friends did not help him in his fight against Al-Thamen and saving his country and when he fought for his rights and his believes, he was looked down upon and scold. Loving himself was something he had to relearn. Self-hate was the only feeling he had for himself for many years. Hate, because he was weak, because he hadn't had a chance against the witch, because he was so powerless.
How should he compete with a guy like Ren Kouen? Kouen was a tall and muscular man, Hakuryuu was relatively small compared to his cousin and had soft features. Furthermore his cousin had three djinns, while Hakuryuu only had two – and it took him quite long to even get the first one. Well, Kouen also had the advantage of being the first in the Empire, who gained a djinn. Somehow this was more important and amazing than someone being the second one to obtain a djinn. Hakuryuu couldn't understand it, both Kougyoku and Hakuei had conquered their dungeons without an army, differently than Kouen and his brothers, who had taken many soldiers with them to reach the treasure room. Still Kouen was the amazing and impressive one, because he was the first, who got a djinn. Despite that it was hard to keep up with Kouen anyway. He was tall, had a stern expression and hard features. People were easily intimidated by his mere appearance, while Hakuryuu looked more like a nice little boy. Who would take someone like that serious? Most people would not. Moreover, Kouen had the advantage of already serving under Hakutoku. So the soldiers already knew him and even more importantly knew how strong he was without a djinn – Kouen was not just strong because of his djinn, he also was a great fighter without them. Hakuryuu had nothing to beat that. When he started to learn how to use a weapon Kouen was already assigned commander of the army, due to his skills. In Kou one had either power because one was a royal, who held an important political position, or one was a general or higher positioned in the army. The fourth prince without any important role in the political affairs or a position on the army was like a commoner – nothing!
If he at least were a good strategist, he could score some points, but this was already done by Koumei. Although Koumei was a weakling, when it came to fighting – Hakuryuu was sure he could beat him in reads to mere physical strength –, but he was a great strategist. A war couldn't be won with weapons alone. One also needed a good strategy. What Hakuryuu lacked was not intelligent, it was experience. However, how should he gain experience, when he never entered the battlefield – he was not a part of Kou's army and therefore not part of their battles and strategies. Actually, he was fine with that. He had no intention of helping the witch to obtain more power. Contrary to that it still made him feel insecure about himself that he couldn't reach Kouen's or Koumei's level – that he was not as strong or smart as them. That his older sister Hakuei also became a general of the army, did not make it any better. Of course, she got the position because she had a djinn, while he had none at that time, but it still made him feel like he was the weakest in his family, although he was the one, who needed power the most. His self-esteem was not improved by this development. It got better, when he himself conquered a dungeon. A djinn could not change everything. Kouen was still stronger than him and Koumei was still smarter and he was still not a part of the army and looked down upon. He was still on his own and needed more power. However, a djinn was a start, a good step in the right direction. Hakuryuu learned how to perform the full body djinn equip pretty fast, what made him very proud.