alex

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the tears depart from the ducts in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. they end up on tobin's t-shirt as she holds me tight and traces small circles on my back with her index finger. i heave into my girlfriend's chest and i try to recall what i experienced in my sleep just a mere few minutes ago. then i remember.....

it had been a long friday with training and conditioning with the team for hours. i finally get back to my apartment in lyon and use the last burst of energy i had to jump on my bed and text tobin.

a: hey baby :)
t: hey.
a: how's life, my love
t: it's good,i guess.
a: like how
t: i don't know
a: ok...
t: yup.
a: yeah
t: yeah
a: tobin, something doesn't feel right
t: this doesn't feel the same anymore, it's not the same
a: you're right
t: we should talk about this, call me
a: ok

with my heart thumping, i press tobin's contact and call her. adrenaline pumps in my veins as i listen to the rhythmic beep and wait for her to answer.

"tobin..."

"alex..."

"what did i do wrong? how did it get like this?"

"i don't know...it's just not the same anymore. "

"i know, you told me."

"......"

"was it my fault? how can i fix it?"

"what happened to us?"

"dammit tobin..." i shake my head, it's funny how it got like this.

"...."
"my baby," i said, and i could hear her frown.

"don't call me that, it'll just make me cry."

"don't cry, please don't cry."

"i think we need a break, talk to me again on tuesday."

"i will...."

i hang up the phone and throw it in frustration. i hope she doesn't leave me. then, my phone vibrates.

t: i'm sorry, i can't do this
t: i'm so sorry, but i don't love you anymore.
t: i'm not in love, this isn't working
a: you promised that you'd stay. you lied.
t: i'm sorry alex

and then i wake up from the terrible dream.

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