I will soon forget the color of your eyes (in editing)

chapter 1

*Vic's view*

My eyes flicker from the door to my window. I continue this panicky movements a few times before I burst out laughing having jack join in too.

"Dude" jack pats my leg making me smile widely and look him in the eye. He wore a serious look "we...are high as fuck" he giggles dropping the whole serious look, passing me the blunt between his fingers. Jack Barakat was one of my closest friends. We practically lived at each other's houses. We told each other everything and did everything that's anything together.

"Shut the fuck up, barakat!" I giggle

"What. I didn't say anything" he says throwing his arms up.

"Oh yeah, well you were thinking something" I say narrowing my eyes and taking a long drag.

"Yeah. I was thinking about how I was going to do your mom latter!" he falls backwards from his sitting position on the floor. Jack lays down completely and started making floor angles. After a while we are completely baked and put out the blunt, storing it away under some clothing in my drawers. Jack and I sit there asking each other questions about embarrassing things.

"So. Who was your first time?" jack asked leaning against the bedroom wall.

"I, uh, I'm still a virgin." I say blushing like crazy. I'm a seventeen year old virgin, okay? Get over it.

"Really! So...like no guy has stolen your V-card yet, huh?" I shook my head and held a smile upon my lips. I was very open with my sexuality even though I got bullied every day for it, but I didn't mind because jack takes me back to his place after school and we either get drunk or high.

"But what about josh? I thought you two..." I shook my head

Josh was my ex. He was very needy and would pressure me into doing things. About a month into our relationship he pressured me into getting my nose pierced. It hurt like hell and I promised myself that I would never let him talk me into something that I don't want to do. But a few weeks after that he made me give him a blowjob, and that's when I drew the line. Almost a year after the blowjob incident he wanted to go all the way but I refused. He called me almost every name in the book, then later that night I found out from a close friend that he went and slept with someone else. We ended up braking up that week but he just shrugged it off and ran to the person he was cheating on me with. While me on the other hand, become severally depressed and barley ate for months. Jack was the one to pull me out of my funk and got me back on my feet.

"No. and you know we don't speak of him" I snarl. Jack just nods understandingly. I look at the time and see it was just after midnight.

"Well I'm gunna head home. Are you picking me up tomorrow?" I ask jack just nods as his eyelids slowly close. I help him get into bed before I cover him with a blanket and turn off the lights.

When I arrive at home no one is awake to greet me, so I just decide to go to sleep. Kicking my shoes off, I climb into bed not bothering to change out of my clothes. I lay there and just thing. I think about where my life has been, and where it's headed. I think about past and future relationships. I think about school. I think about the bullies, about self-harm, about suicide.

Suicide.

What would happen if I just left? First of all, mom would have more money for mikes collage. Mike wouldn't get picked on for having a gay brother. Mike could turn my room into that game room he's always wanted. People at school could stop going out of their way to make me miserable. I think the only down side about suicide is that I would miss mike and jack, and mike and jack would miss me...I think. More ups than downs on this whole suicide concept.

Just then mike comes storming in my room looking like he just caught me in the middle of banging his girlfriend.

"I just got off the phone with Jenna, and she said that she saw you getting high behind the bleachers at school with that fucking jack kid! Do you want to get expelled? Are you trying to get both of us in trouble? And I know what you're thinking, mom and dad blame ME for you fuck ups! ME! Not you but fucking ME because they think that I should be there for you and keep an eye on you and all that ladeda de shit when in reality you're the big brother and should be there for me! You just get a smack on the wrist and I get fucking grounded because of YOU! I had to miss one of my favorite bands concerts because of fucking you! You just had to go and get drunk with that fucking ass Jack, and I had to come to the rescue and get grounded for your actions!" by now mike had tears rolling over his cheeks while I just sat there like a dumbass. All the sudden mike stopped crying and his eyes filled with rage and hatred. "Why don't you do everyone a huge fucking favor and just kill yourself!" he spit at me before storming out of my room. Well at least he answered my previous question. I could put mike on the list of people who wouldn't miss me.

I slowly slide into my shoes and grab my car keys. I proses what my little brother just told me. My own brother wanted me dead. Well it looks like I'm gunna pay mike back for all those times he's gotten in trouble for me, because now he won't have to, because I'm gunna be gone. And no one is going to miss me.