There was a time when I felt like I had everything. I felt like the world was the best and that nothing could change and nothing could go wrong. There was a time I was happy. My life was perfect and my life was not this way. Like the rainy days here on this beautiful island, I hardly ever felt sad.
Then everything turned upside down. I learned I could make choices, that not everything should be chosen for me. Sadly by the time I learned this it was too late to fix. I was miserable everyday, wishing that my life was better, and wishing it didn't suck as much. I started crying more often, but not enough to make it a regular thing. I wasn't deppressed. More like sad, at everything. I knew that I had a privileged life, but I felt trapped. I felt like a bird that had a home and food, but nowhere to go. Couldn't do anything other than what was told of it.
Gladly I had friends... For once I felt like I could control something in my life that I was "free" in a sense.
I also had books, I had the world's that the author's created for the readers, I had the characters who I had a little bit of myself in each of them. I had the villains that taught me to sympathize and made me learn that there is always a story that we all can tell.
I had the animes that also transported me to a world of magic and the idealistic things. I could fall in love with a character, and then instantly fall in love with that character and his or her love interest together. I learned that shipping fictional characters was totally ok, as long as you had proof. Anime gave me a chance to be someone else, be something that I always dreamed; putting myself in the shoes of the amazing characters.
School gave me a place where I was the center, I was something "incredible" in a sense. I was above average in smarts, and was always so high. I never felt like I was a failure. Everything was easy and nothing was too difficult. People came to me for help, instead of it being the other way round. People were saying how smart I was, though I never admitted it; I loved it. School was a place where for once I felt superior.
Music gave me a place to go when I felt different feelings. Gladly the music played whenever I wanted, and always sounded the same. I could dance and sing without realising what I was doing.
Even after all of this I still felt sad. Always wondering if my friends actually liked me, wondering if they were putting up this facade. Books, well they sometimes made me feel like a nerd, and felt like people were judging me for my love of books. Anime is something most don't know about, and like books is something I didn't want to be judged about nor mocked. I always questioned myself on my smartness. What if people were only hanging out with me because of it, what if it is the total opposite and people hated me because of it. The one thing that I never cared about was music. For once there was something that I excepted was something no one had the right to judge me on.
I still feel this way, and though I have everything, and locked in a cage that won't open. I am like a song that's on loop, never stopping and always doing the same thing over and over again...
