Silence Is The Biggest Plea

Chapter One

Dedication-

I would love to thank my dear friend who I cannot mention here...I don't know how many times you kept me upright when my whole world was turning upside down.

Authors Note-

I hope to whoever is reading this that they enjoy it.

I'd like you all too keep in mind I am fifth-teen and am writing purely for enjoyment. I hope this novel could help you as much as it helped me.

"Death is no more than passing from one room into another."

Misery. That's what the picture that was hanging on the wall opposite me in the Phycologists waiting room caused me. Misery. It was of a girl with curly brown hair who was about sixteen- my age, smiling while speaking to a phycologist who was wearing glasses that were way too big for her face and had short straight black hair.

Why did the picture make me feel misery? Because it was ridiculous. Never, In the six years I had gone to see my phycologist here had I ever smiled nor seen someone smile and on the rare occasion I did see someone smile while leaving the office it was a parent- never a teen. The fact that they thought teenagers were actually happy to talk about their issues made me miserable.

Couldn't they understand this was the worst place on earth for some kids? That most of us didn't want to be here and were forced to by our parents or because our school referred us here?

"April Swanson?" Asked the receptionist. I stood up from the white couch I always sat on and walked towards her, this was my routine every Saturday morning.

"Dr Johnson will see you now"

The fact that the receptionist did not need to tell me what room I was in was a reminder of how long i had gone here for.

I gave a small nod and walked to the right, down the long hallway, passing seventeen doors (I had counted) some of which had "do not disturb" signs on the handles before arriving at office 18. The office I was always in.

I knocked on the door before hearing a sweet sickening voice say "come in" I opened the door, took the "do not disturb sign" from the table next to the door and put it on the handle before closing the door and sitting down on the black leather couch after six years of this, I knew the drill.

Opposite me sat the same women who was in the picture, my phycologist, Dr Johnson.

Dr Johnson had only recently become my new phycologist and had been now for 2 months. Dr Johnson was a 40 year old, unmarried woman who also happened to be head of the department here my old one Dr. Davis, recently got married and was soon to give birth to a son. It annoyed me a little how Phycologists managed to go on with their lives despite knowing that some of their patients might not live to tomorrow.

"Hello April" said Dr Johnson in her cheerful voice that all the doctors used as she sat down on a black leather chair opposite me. That's another thing that irritated me; why were they always so darn cheerful?

Usually every appointment started off with her asking to see my wrists. I held them out to her, exposing my past scars but no new ones.

It astounded me every time that she thought i would still be stupid enough to cut my wrists even though she made sure to check them every appointment.

Instead if I ever got urges I would cut my thighs where nobody could see.

It then continued on to her revising what I told her last appointment which wasn't much. I hadn't told her what I really felt since I was fourteen, I had learnt first hand that by being honest it just made things much more worse for me then beneficial.

After the revising she would then ask me how I feel on a scale from "1 to 10 with ten being the worst" which I would always say two. If anything new had happened, to which I would say "no" and how I feel about everything going on.

A lot of the time she would question me and I would shrug to which she would put the "I can't help you unless you co-operate" speech which I was quite used to after Dr Davis.

This appointment however was different. Though she still asked to see my wrists, she didn't ask any of the other usual questions and instead we sat in silence for at least ten minutes before i broke it. It was, for a very long time the first time I had actually said more then three words.

"What?" I asked, making sure she could notice the sarcastic tone in my voice "No how am I feeling? No what are you on a scale from one to ten?"

There was silence then:

"I'm not bothering anymore, April" she said, still in her cheery voice which infuriated me.

"I believe that after what has it been, two months? That that approach isn't working"

"Really?" I said sarcastically again. "I thought it was really making an improvement in my life but"

"Yes really." She said choosing to ignore the last part "So I'm going to try something different April"

"Different?" I asked somewhat in disbelief.

"Yes" was all she said.

She then stood up and walked over to her desk picking up a rather torn and tattered book.

She looked down at it for a moment then threw it towards me to which I caught.

"What's this?" I asked examine the old looking book.

"I owned this when I was a child, I found it helped" she said fondly.

The book itself looked ancient, it had a stain on the grey cover, the pages were yellow and you could only just make out the title,

" Silent screaming?" I asked "what's it about?" I started to open up a page but she walked towards me and gently closed the book shut.

"I would like you too read this in your own time April. One chapter at a time. I feel it will help more" she once sat down again opposite me and It was silence again for a third time until She spoke again while tapping her watch.

"Well April looks like our time is up, too fast again I dare say" I stood up and reached the door before I heard what Dr Johnson said at the end of every appointment "Please take care".