Silence Is The Biggest Plea

Chapter Four

The next few moments of what I thought were the last few of my life were a blur. I took out the suicide note I had written a few months before out of it's hiding place in the dresser and placed it on top of my pillow.

I then walked into the kitchen taking the keys off the counter and walked outside. It was starting to get dark.

I started the van and drove. Too be quite honest, I don't know how long I drove for. The only thing I noticed after a while was I was now surronded by fields of hay barrels, it was now even  darker, and the only light was coming from the shinning stars above and dim, old street lights .

Suddenly I saw it, my salvation. A truck was driving on the opposite side of the road, a short distance away.

This was it. I drove onto the other side of the road and began to speed up towards it. The driver was honking his horn furiously, why though? I thought to myself. Soon I will end my pain and suffering and also his. I then heard a ringing tune. I turned my head to find my cell phone on, notificing me of a text.

Tate: Hey, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings...Are you okay? I didn't mean to be an asshole.

I stared back at the honking truck then back at my phone, everything was blurry from the tears in my eyes and time seemed to have slowed down for a moment.  

All of a sudden...I was scared at the thought of dying. I didn't want too think I would never see Tate's hazel eyes again...his face...his boyish grin..."ARGH!" I let out an angry roar and turned the van off the road onto the grass, managing not to hit the fence.

"FUCKING IDIOT!" Yelled the truck driver, sticking his head out to look at me as he went past, still honking furiously.

 I sat their numbly for a few moments before smashing my arms onto the steering wheel.  While other sixteen year olds  in the world were crying because for some reason their gigantic sixteenth birthday party was cancelled, I was crying because the event I had been planning for more then a year now had been taken away from me before I could even stop it.

 I stared out into the fields for a few moments before I calmed down enough to drive back home. Of course the answer too why I hadn't died a few minutes earlier was simple; Tate prevented it. I couldn't bare with the thought I wouldn't see his face anymore, the same face which had brought me happiness, which I had not felt for a long time.

For the first time in ages, I actually had a friend. Someone who I could talk too and wouldn't give me a judgmental look if I said something they considered "stupid".

How long would Tate keep his hold on me for? was the question. How long would Tate prevent me from killing myself? Was he really enough too keep my heart beating? Somehow I doubted it. Although he was basically the only light left I had in this pathetic thing I called my life, I knew one day, even the thought of him would not be able to keep me alive.

*

I was fourtunate enough mom was still asleep by the time I reached home, so she had not read or seen the suicide note, I placed it back at the bottom of my drawer where it would remain until Tate could no longer keep me here.

I must of not been acting myself the thursday morning the next day when I woke up for school because mom insisted I stayed home for the rest of the week as I didn't seem "myself".

As soon as I got home the wednesday night, I texted Tate assuring him he did nothing wrong and he was not an asshole...yet.

 That Thursday afternoon as I ate my toasted cheese sandwich I recieved a text message from Tate.

Tate:  April Watson, I need to see you right now so I'm asking for your address, If you refuse to give it too me I will look for your address in the phone book.

Me: Okay, go ahead. I replied.

Tate: Challenge accepted.

 One hour later after the first one he sent another.

Tate: So I visited all three April Watsons who live around here, one which was a thirty year old women who hit on me. So I visit all three only too find your address is not in the phone book... Well played.

I laughed outloud before replying:

Me: 76 Sun Grove Ave.

I sat out on the front porch waiting for Tate too show up and sure enough thirty minutes later he was getting out of his car and walking towards me and then sitting next too me.

"Well April, It's been nearly a whole day since we've spoken in person. I missed you" said Tate, puffing slightly.

"You seem a bit out of breath" I smirked.

"You kidding? I think I could run a marathon right now. No, but really, you'd be puffing to if you had to run away from a thirty year old women who wanted your phone number and flirted with you"

"I suppose I would be" I said. I then looked away from his bright eyes for a minute.

"Are you alright?" Asked Tate, his eyes burning into the back of my head.

I sighed "Define Alright"

"Of a satisfactory or acceptable quality."

"Then no, I'm not alright" I paused for a moment  "I hate that I'm a virgin" I could feel my cheeks go hot.

"Why? I'm one too" said Tate, looking amused. "Look is this about the other day?" he said suddenly serious "Look I'm sor-"

"No it's not. I promise" I cut across him "I just-" I thought carefully for a moment. It was true.

I hated that I was a virgin as much as I hated I was still alive. Maybe it was because I wanted to be in love.

Wasn't what that was losing your virginity about? Giving it to someone you love? Yet I would never be in love...But I felt no desire to tell Tate this.

It was quiet for a moment before I felt Tate reach for my hand, I immediantly pulled it from out of his grasp not because I didn't want to hold his hand but because the thoughts were coming back...I tried to push them out of my head.

When I looked back at Tate he had that examining look in his eye again, although he was trying to see what was going on in my head. 

"I want to make a deal with you" said Tate suddenly.

"What kind of deal?" I asked.

"If we both manage to survive this year of school, which is a big 'if' then we will have sex"

I stared at Tate for a long time before saying "Deal" I had a feeling that somehow, Tate knew how to look into other peoples minds.