Swept Away

All of Me

During the walk back to the apartment I thought of all the things that could happen. Either she would still be mad, she could be happy to see me and we would be over the whole argument, or... the worst, she could be gone.

I hate doing that to myself, thinking so negative. As if I'm always expecting for something terrible to happen. I always think the worst in people, that they'll leave sooner than they arrived into my life. Only this time I arrived into hers. I went out looking for her. I was just an unexpected person she bumped into months ago. A person who all along had wicked intentions.

As I open the door I somehow await for the worst. But there is a relief in my chest when I see her on the couch with her eyes focused on a pile of papers in her hands. She is too focused on whatever it is she's doing that she doesn't hear the door open and close. It isn't until I clear my throat that Zeila quickly looks up and her eyes meet mine.

“Hey.” is all I'm able to say. It's awkward for the both of us. Just standing here unsure of what exactly is the right thing to say.

“Hey. So... where did you go?” she says and I can tell she's not really interested to know, she's just trying to start a conversation with me.

“The coffee shop at the corner. Rebecca was there.” I wish I could of taken that piece of information back. I wish I could of just kept that to myself, because now as Zeila's eyes slightly widen and she looks down at her papers with the slightest focus she had before, I know she's upset. “Its not what you think Zeila.”

I know that telling her was the right thing, I don't want to have to keep more secrets from her, and if I hadn't said anything later she would find out by someone else and would think I cheated or something. So even if she's upset or disappointed I'm happy I was honest, besides it wasn't as if something had actually happened with that girl.

“I know Harry.” she says in almost a soft whisper. “I trust that you wouldn't betray me. I'm sorry for the way I screamed at you before, I'm sorry for making a big deal out of nothing. I'm sorry I said you suffocated me.”

“No, Zeila don't apologize for what you feel. I get it, I can be possessive sometimes.” she gives me a look and I immediately pick up on what she's trying to say. “Okay, most of the time. But its just I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose any more people in my life, ever again.”

Zeila is up on her feet and standing in front of me with her hand gently placed against my cheek. “Harry, who have you lost?”

She's concerned and I know I should tell her, but I can't. If I let her know then she would ask more questions and she'd then know everything. I'm not ready to open up about my darkest secret and I'm starting to think that I'll never be ready.

“Zeila, how about we go out to eat dinner tonight.” I say changing the subject quickly. She looks at me hoping, almost pleading me to open up, but after a minute of nothing, she gives up.

“Okay, sure.” she smiles, but I know I've hurt her feelings, again. I just wish things were easier. I wish I wasn't such a selfish prick, always putting my needs before hers. “But we can't go to sleep late, we have school tomorrow.”

I nod and she leans in to press her lips against mine. “I love you.” Her words take me by surprise, just like every time they come out of her mouth. I find it almost unbelievable that such words could have such an effect on me. Such a strong and powerful desire to want to hear them over and over again.

I take a hold of her face between both my palms and bring her closer to me. “I love you.”

“So where exactly are you taking me?” she asks, curiosity in her eyes. I gently rub my nose against hers, causing Zeila to giggle.