Against the Current (Finnick and Annie)

Chapter 15~Finnick

I didn't go to the banquet for the entire district despite how much I enjoyed them before. I just wasn't in the mood and wanted to be alone. I stayed in my room sitting in the dark. Occasionally the sounds from the city square would drift in through my open window, but they sounded far away.

I gave Annie her space and hoped that time away and Mags' words would make her forgive me. Unfortunately I don't think it was enough.

The next morning I greeted Annie as usual, trying to hide the fact that my heart was beating rapidly and I was nervous. I couldn't stand her being mad at me. When she responded I could hear the biting hurt in her voice. She honestly thought I liked being with those Capitol brats, even more than her. Good thing about that is I must've put on a good facade if Annie was convinced.

But her answer hurt me. It shot away the mask of a smile I put on and revealed how I really felt. It made me scared how easily Annie did that, what effect she had on me. Once I begin showing my true feelings, I might mess up and make a wrong move. But at that time I didn't care. I wanted her to know, so that she'd understand.

"No I hate it there," I told Annie, hating how weak my voice sounded. "It scares me."

I've never admitted that to anyone before, not even to Mags. I thought telling someone would make me feel better, but I just feel emptier because admitting it made the fact true.

Annie turned to me with a curious expression. "You are? Why?"

I thought about telling her, just going for it and answering with the truth. What I do every night I'm in the Capitol. The dead, hollow feeling that consumes me. How I'm nothing but a slave. How even after doing this for more than two years, it hasn't stopped hurting. Then reality sets in. I couldn't tell Annie why I was scared without revealing my secret and doing so would put Annie in danger.

But there was this one selfish part of me that wanted to tell someone so I wouldn't have to carry the burden alone. I didn't trust it as I felt it growing more powerful.

I quickly shook my head and avoided Annie's imploring gaze. "Forget it." I tried to distract myself but I could still feel Annie's eyes on mine. I stood up and told her I had to go.

I heard Annie calling my name as she ran after me, so I quickened my pace. Her voice started to drift away as I got lost in the crowd until I couldn't hear it any longer. I felt lost. I felt myself breaking like I do so often when I return from the Capitol and I have to put myself back together again.

I needed to get away, and I knew the perfect place. I found it a couple of years ago when I ended up swimming further than I thought. When I looked back to shore I could barely see the people walking around. I began swimming back when I felt a change in the currents. They were no longer pulling me as strongly to the side where the cliffs lay. In that one area it was oddly calm.

Curiosity got the best of me and I swam closer to the cliffside, careful not to get too close and forced against the rocks. However it was remarkably easy to swim. If I wanted to I could just drift to the side. I swam and swam until I came to a curved wall of rocks which explained the calm waters. It was blocking off the strongest of the currents.

I moved further and discovered a small hidden cove. Too small to be noticed among the massive rocks but big enough once you were in it. It looked absolutely beautiful. The sand was clean and the water lapped on to the shore. There were a couple of palm trees providing shade and a small cave with rock ledges perfect for laying down.

I was sure no one discovered this place since people hardly swim out this far and it's too close to the cliffs for the boats to maneuver around. I was happy. I had finally found my own place to escape and it was all mine. Over the following days I brought over supplies: food, water, some fishing gear, and a sleeping bag. It was everything I needed and sometimes I would stay here for days at a time.