Closed Doors

Chapter Four - Restless, invincible, damaged

Sawyer POV

I sighed and rubbed at my eyes, it was 3am and I was still awake. All around me were papers: phone numbers, bills, receipts, passport, credit statement and a whole lot of other legal crap that I would need to escape. They were all asleep, I could hear them snoring, so I had the light on but it felt too white, cold as the moon. I was alone in my plotting. For the thousandth time that night I dialled Cason’s number, finger hovering over the call button. But I couldn’t he deserved more than this. He deserved to graduate, get married to a stable girl, have stable little babies in a stable house and a stable job. My life would be on cracked eggshells, always waiting, watching, running.

 Frustrated, I wiped at the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t see him tomorrow, couldn’t go to school. I have to leave, soon. Sooner. Now. Yes, now. I have petrol in the car, I took money from the safe earlier today. My guitar was in a black case, my paints in another. I had a duffel bag with band badges sewn on it, it contained clothing, underwear, purse, toiletries. I could leave now, never look back. The idea made me giddy, despite what I knew I was leaving behind. I stuffed all the papers in a manilla envelope.

Two hours later I arrived. I’m gone. And it was so easy.

Cason POV

 “CASON! Yet your scrawny self down here NOW! You’re going to be late!”

I grumbled a reply and quickly dragged a brush through my hair before glancing at the clock. 08:15. School starts in five minutes. I laugh slightly, I could barely be bothered going. I had denied it to everyone, including myself, but part of the reason I was suddenly happy was her. I know it’s stupid, I know she will probably never see me the same way. She never told me why she was injured. Frowning at this thought, I took the stairs two at a time, kissed my mother on the cheek and ran out the door, narrowly missing the bus. I cursed loudly. Guess I’m walking.

By the time I got there, school was in full swing, all the class doors were shut and hall monitors were prowling around like hawks. I quickly slipped into my first period math class, smiling at the luck of my timetable saying I have English next.

"Cason, nice of you to join us.”

“So glad you appreciate it. Sir.” He was about to give me detention or something when Elsah walked in, or should I say, flounced. She bent a bit, pushed her bra down and pouted. The teacher dazedly waved us to our seats.

She winked at me as she passed “Let me know if you want a private show” she whispered in what I’m sure was supposed to be a seductive voice but ended up sounding like a dying snake. Hey, she was hot, all black hair and long legs and red lips. But her cousin was better. She took my sudden smile as a sign of agreement, winked again, and sat down, her skirt hitching up and putting her entire leg on show. I cleared my throat and sat down in the back corner, as far from her as I could be.

The clock was dragging by particularly slowly today it seemed, the minute hand that had yesterday afternoon raced to end our time together is now sliding by at a snail like pace. I was impatient, there was something uncomfortable in the back of my mind, something was wrong.  I wanted to leave right then and there, get out and not come back, but that didn't make sense because I had never disliked this town.

I loved the routine, the structure, I knew my way around. I knew where I fit in, who liked me and who didn't, there wasn't anything exciting, but nothing threatening either. Now I found myself begging for a way out, to get away to somewhere I had never been. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and I hated it. I felt oppressed, stuffed into a box and a life that didn't fit. There was no way out, I had to finish school and university and then work and there was no relief from the constant sameness of everything. I was surprised at myself for feeling this way, and I wanted it to stop. Restless, I began tapping my foot on the floor. I wanted to stamp and shout and break the whole world apart, to tear out of this skin and this feeling of hopelessness. I felt it bubbling up inside me, the pressure, the fear, the uncomfortableness and the confusion. The power. I felt invincible, untouchable, yet so terribly damaged. I got up and stormed out of the class just as the bell rang.

I bumped into more people than I thought were attending this school. Dizzy and panting I stumbled outside and breathed. Energy was still running pure through my veins, I started jumping up and down in one spot. I shook my head to clear the thoughts, the leering looks I had gotten when I stormed out of school. I walked as calmly as I could to my car and drove.

A/N: Anyone ever felt like this? No? Just me? Okay then... 30 READS yayay! Step three: celebrate with... water? haha oh well, lets try for a vote, and maybe even a comment? For my birthday?

Love,

LW