My Last Thought (a Finnick oneshot)

My Last Thought

'My love, you have my heart for all eternity and if... if I die in that arena, my last thought will be of your lips'

The mutts have now gathered around the bottom of the ladder and I wonder whether they can climb. I can see Gale in front of me pushing someone up I suggest is Peeta. I climb as fast as I can, eyes on the platform we are aiming to reach.

I have just reached it when I realize nobody's behind me. I am pushing Gale and Gale is pushing Peeta, but no one is behind me to push me up. I seek for Gale's hand to pull me up and take me to safety, to the next ladder and so on. But I don't find it. I struggle a little before I manage to find a way to pull myself up on my own.

Before I place one foot on the platform, just for a brief moment, I turn and look down to check if anyone's left behind. That's when the lizard mutt jumps on my back, digs its claws into my flesh and takes me down with it.

I am trying to stand on my feet as a group of lizard mutts surrounds me. I grab my trident and manage to take down four of them, but others come and take their places. I have no idea what to do, but I have to think quickly. I finally get up and start running, but it proves to be a bad idea. I trip over Homes's dead, ripped body. I stare at him, or at least what used to be him. I try to stay calm, even though that's become too difficult after this. The sight of the body motivates me to stand on my feet again and run faster, not wanting to face the same death.

I end up running in circles trying to avoid the mutts while attacking them. When I decide that their number has shrunk a little and that there is a good chance of me getting to the ladder on time and being able to join the others safely, I hold the trident as tight as I can and start running.

I am halfway there when unexpectedly, a mutt attacks me. I scream out of pain so loudly I am pretty sure the others must have heard me, no matter how high they have climbed.

But I know they are not coming. Surely some of them will suggest getting back down and helping me, but they all know it's not worth it. Too many lives risked. I do want to live, yes, but I don't expect the others to risk their own lives for mine. The only thing I expect them to do is risk their lives for Katniss. The one important person here. Maybe that's what I'm doing right now as well. Risking everything I've got to save her, to save the rebellion. But if I am to survive this at last, I will have to do it on my own.

I am in so big pain, I think it might already be over. I don't have the energy to keep fighting and the bleeding from the wound the mutt opened won't stop. The mutt that attacked me made me lose my trident as well. I press the button that's supposed to return it to me, but for some reason it doesn't work. Now I am sure it's over. But I am not ready to give up yet. If this is going to be my last fight, it will be something I can be proud of. Well, as proud as a dead man can actually be. 'Get up' I order myself and struggle to stand on my feet. 'Now fight'. How do I fight though when the only weapon I had is nowhere to be found?

Suddenly, I remember I am not completely defenseless. I feel some hope as I take out my gun, the one I kept in my suit to use in case of emergency. How didn't I remember it earlier? It's a small gun, with not many bullets in it, but even that might help at this point. I shoot and take down seven mutts, but three of them avoid my bullets and manage to reach me. One, two, then all three jump and take bites of me. One of them yanks my head back and takes such a big bite, I almost immediately fall and lie on the ground, ready to say goodbye.

I don't immediately die, though. The mutts have abandoned my body, possibly because I am already dead for them and make their way to the ladder, start climbing it.

The only thing I feel as I watch them crawl away is pain, such big pain... Wait, no. I feel something else too. I can't describe it. Probably the realization that this is my last moment on earth, maybe, and who knows what's next. But it's not that. It's... It's that I realize I have to decide what I want my last thoughts to be.

I don't have to overthink about it. I know what I want my last thoughts to be. And surprisingly, it's not Annie. I know, I know. The night before the Quarter Quell, I promised her that if I died in that arena, -well, we are not in the arena, but how different is it, really?- my last thought would be of her lips. But I have more important things to think about. Not her lips, not her face, not even her voice. Something more important. Like the child she is carrying on her belly.

I don't know if it's a boy or girl, but it doesn't matter. I can still imagine it in Annie's arms, her putting it to sleep, breastfeeding it, even playing with it in District 4's beach. I take in this moment, where even though I'm experiencing my own death I can still have some hope for my loved ones. It doesn't matter that I am dying. I sacrificed myself for the rebellion, I sacrificed myself for their happiness and that's enough.

I put all the energy I have left to whisper "I love you" to my child, my baby, but it ends up sounding more like a moan. It doesn't matter. I am pleased with even that. It will never get to meet his father, but I want to leave this world at least having said that I love it, even if no one's here to hear it. Only me. And the mutts. It doesn't matter.

Flames surround my body. Something has exploded. Annie used to be afraid of flames, I think.

It doesn't matter.