Growing Pains | VxBTS

closer

CHAPTER 14

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it had been days he'd been caught up inside those white, suffocating walls. it jailed him into the obscurely numbness that felt vastly infuriating because taehyung didn't know how to do with it, whether he was happy or horrible for it. the numbness adding to his loneliness when his sense could only catch silence and solitude.

a wistful consternation pulled him into deep thoughts when he remembered no one had bothered to visit him since the day he woke up from his deep slumber, not even jeongguk. had everyone forgotten about him already? he knew so well not to expect when happiness did last, but at least he had wished for the glittery feelings he felt whenever jeongguk were with him would last longer with the presence of jeongguk by his side. the smell of medicine and artificial air freshener saturated around the room, bringing a nauseating feeling, as it remained as a reminder of how alone he was and would always be.

there was no tears that could be detained anymore. the constant fatigue was back again due to the down mood he'd just felt. it was as if there was no bone inside his body as he lackadaisically slumped onto the bed. he wanted to get out, escape the room but his legs felt like jelly. taehyung felt so useless. it was almost insurmountable to hold up his body when he was feeling like this, taehyung knew this so well because he'd experienced this long before when he was still in daegu.

taehyung remembered the last time before he blacked out, jimin cornering him with an indecipherable expression like the elder wanted to do something to him, in a bad bad way as he freaked out. taehyung's life hadn't been a perfect one with nice parents, supportive friends, and convincing wealth, even though he never got any complains about it, it somehow made him to be one that couldn't easily tell people about his life's, let alone secrets. he preferred to listen to other's problems and dealt with his himself. so he didn't feel obligated to tell jimin his problems and was surprised when jimin came furiously accusing that he had been distancing himself from him. hell, taehyung hadn't even known he was distancing himself with so many things inside his mind, such as how could he catch up with the group's progress. jimin looked like he almost wanted to snap taehyung's head off back then, and it scared the hell out of taehyung. was it his fault that jimin was like that?

taehyung noticed that the members slowly had changed. they were different from before they were used to be. one thing he knew, they were not as sweet as before, probably except jeonggukie who'd always been their baby. but, it hurt when he felt the distance between them all, slowly drifting them apart from him. he deemed it caused by adulthood that started to catch up with them all yet a tiny bit of hope which taehyung dearly held unto had wished for everything had not turned to be like this. once again he wondered, had it been his fault from the beginning? had he always been such a worthless trash that slow down the others so much that they started to despise him? it must be right as hell because if taehyung really deserved to feel this guilt, then he must be the ultimate garbage for the society. jimin was one example for his failure to please the other members, and he better fix himself as soon as possible before everyone had turned their backs towards him again, just like his family had done to him.

jeongguk probably was disappointed at him, too, like others; that was why he didn't come just to see his pathetic, worthless face, staring blankly at the wall like the stupidest human in this fucking world. taehyung hated thinking like this, but he hated himself more for refusing the thoughts from intruding his vulnerable mind. the repulsive thoughts kept ghosting restlessly despite how much his movements resembled a slot.