Snippets

just don't

*trigger warning* suicide. When I eventually release this, if I ever do, please read carefully. xxx
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......Because kids are so selfish these days they'll just kill themselves.

Excuse me?

Pardon.

I said excuse me. These kids, they aren't selfish, suicide is the only logical device they can see left to relieve their pain.

And what you're just some expert?

Yeah maybe I am.
If every night before you fall asleep you check in with three people to make sure they'll be waking up tomorrow. If you stay awake till you're sure their asleep you become so sleep deprived you begin falling behind in school work.

If every single morning when you wake up the first thing on your mind is whether they've eaten.

And   e v e r y   s i n g l e   night they verbally attack you because the nights are always much more suffocating but you still love them and have forgiven them before they start to speak.

That you become so so mentally exhausted that you see a counsellor each week, and you have mental breakdowns in the middle of your shifts at work and have cried more times in front of strangers this past month than in front of the people you love the last 5 years.

These people aren't selfish. Suicide is the last logical explanation they can find to stop the pain. To finally fill the growing black abyss. When the alcohol and the drugs and the sex have stopped working and the incisions lining their arms, legs, bellies don't sting like they use to even though they cut that little bit deeper every time. When the bruises covering their beautiful bodies don't bring back any feeling to their numbing soul, death seems like the only option.

When you have support hotline after support hotline written in the notes in your phone, in your school diary and on your pin board so you're prepared incase they have a plan right there right then to smother the hurt.

When you cry with them at the other end of the phone but they will never know because you have to ensure them that you're ok and it's them that we need to focus on. That they matter more than you.

When they have their up days and they laugh and their eyes reflect the sun and their smiles radiate energy and they run and spring with each step, but later that night you watch the light fade darker than a winter solstice and you make sure that you're talking to them every minute because you know tonight's going to be a long night.

If you shared more of their tears than their smiles then yes, you might just consider yourself an expert.