The Moon and Sun are in Love

Part 1

My morning cigarette, what a wonderful thing to have. 

I love the smell and the taste, of course, but my favorite part is the deliberately wonderful buzz thet first cigarette gives me. 

I walked inside and ate some cereal, and then walked to my room to begin schoolwork for the day, along with a good healthy dose of Wattpad.

Yesterday was hard, but still I made it without any type of self harm(beside smoking a few cigs)

I smoked a hit of weed and went to the shower last night. I sat there until the water was cold and just thought. Weed helps me think.

And that's how I came up with the idea for this story. It's all about me, Ramona, Cass, or Zelda, whichever you prefer to call me, right now I am Ramona. Althought it's confusing that I have three names, I will explain that in time. I don't want to scare you off right off the damn bat now do I?

throught the past year, I've been to about six menatl hospitals, many drugs have been used, and many friends have been gained and lost. 

Ive cried till I couldn't, cut till I bled, smoked until I passed out, and many other things.

But the one thing that has never changed is my love for this boy, Logan, or, Lo as I call him. 

He is hawaiian, average height, toned, and beautiful. 

I checked my phone as I wrote and recieved a text

Lo<3: Hi

And then I replied: What's up? 

I've told him numerous times not to just say 'Hi', but I would rather ignore it than start something. 

Today is his 16th birthday which means he can finally date, according to his parents, even though I doubt anything will happen between us. 

In two years exactly, we are supposed to get engaged...

But sadly, I also doubt that will happen. 

Recently things have been hard between us...

We fight almost every day for hours, and not about stupid things, about real life things that really hurt.

But anyway, back to the reason I began this story.

I have planned my death to be on February 22, 2017.

Of course, there is still one way to convince me not to. And that's if Lo follows through on the most important swear he ever made to me. 

"I will marry you" This being on our four-year anniversary of when we started dating back in 2013.

Lo<3: Lunch

He replied.

Me: Fun, what are your plans for the day?

Lo<3: Sleep.

Me: Oh... Okay. I'm sorry.

He knows I want to see him.... He knows... Doesn't he miss me? I was just in a mental hospital for the last four days and I just got out on Saturday(Today is Monday). I thought he would at least want to see me on his birthday. I apologised because I didn't make it clear enough that I wanted to see him. 

Anyway... This is how my thought process goes. I apologise but there will be a lot of this throughout the novel, as I want to clearly show you how one who is in love thinks about the one they love. My purpose is to show him, one day, what he has done... 

It isn't like I'm trying to get revenge or to make him feel bad, just that I want him to realize how much damage I feel just from a simple lack of thought for me. 

I'll write again soon... I hope. 

I'm terrible at writing. But I want this story of my life with him to be published in case I am gone on that fateful day... So that others can learn from our mistakes in love.