Secret Letters To You

Do You Know?

Dear You, 

Do you know how much I liked you?

Do you know that my feelings were sincere?

That it wasn't just a fling.

Whenever I bumped into you, whenever I looked at you, I became emotional.

I couldn't even bring myself to look at you, and I ended up looking away; pretending like as if I didn't see you in the first place.

Do you know how hard it was for me? To force myself to avoid you? To avoid eye contact?

A little part of me wants to walk up to you and tell you how much I've missed you. 

A little part of me wants to walk up to you and tell you how happy I was to have bump into you.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because I know, I would've just embarrassed myself. Because I know, you don't miss me the way I missed you. 

Do you know how much I waited for you?

How patient I was all these while to wait for you?

I was told to let go. I was told to move on.

I was told that they couldn't bear seeing me hurting myself. That if I continue to hold on, I would just end up hurting myself even more and that even when I'm at that state, you wouldn't ever care.

I tried ways to get your attention, only to see you talking about her.

Efforts, after efforts, only to see it all go to waste. 

Do you know how hard it was?

I had so many things to say; things I wished I could say to you. 

There were times when I had this perfect scenario in my head, where I was able to let out those unsaid things to you. 

But then again I know, I know that even if we were to meet each other again, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to say it.

There was something that I was sure of. 

You didn't know how hurt I was. You didn't know how much I was suffering inside. 

 If you ever ask me why I didn't tell you about it, if you ever ask me why I've never confronted you about it, my heart will break and I won't be able to say anything.

But you don't have to know anything anymore. 

Just remember me as I am. Just remember us as we were.