Secret Letters To You

Missing You More Today

Dear You,

Are you doing well? Are you still the same?

I think it's because of the weather, maybe that's why I'm feeling a little moody and lonely today, so I thought of you.

But will you come back? Will you ever come back though?

There's a whole mixture of emotions. I hate you, but I love you at the same time.

I hate you. I honestly do. I hate you for breaking my heart. And I hate you, for becoming the person you told me you wouldn't be. Because you told me this exact same words, "I wouldn't leave. Not now, not ever." But look at it now. You left, you eventually did.

But I loved you. Actually, I still do. I've always loved your smile. I loved how you laugh and smile even at the littlest things. I loved how much of a genius you're. I guess that's one of the things that is most admirable of you. I loved how soft spoken you're. How you're always so kind to the people around you.

And I especially loved how you can make my heart flutter, even when you're doing nothing. I loved how you could make me smile even when you're just there, doing nothing. I loved how you were able to make me happy. Well at least, you were able to do that back then.

The more that I think about the fact that you've left, the more that I think about the fact that you once told me you don't want what we had between us to die off, the more it hurts.

But then again, I miss you. I miss you a lot. And I'm missing you more today. But it hurts. Because no matter how much I try, you won't ever come.
Because no matter how much effort I put in, you won't ever come.
Because no matter how much I'm hurting right now, you won't ever bother. You won't ever care anymore, like how you used to.

I've waited all night in this dark room.

I  waited, and waited for you. Eventhough I no longer know why I'm still waiting, but I'm still waiting for you.
Eventhough I ended up hurting myself while trying to hold on to you, I still waited.

And I cried a lot though. Because deep down I know. I know it won't work even if we meet again.

But still, a little part of me is still hoping. Maybe if I continue waiting for you, if I keep longing for you, then maybe, just maybe, you'll look at me once more. So I waited, and waited. Like how I've been waiting all these while.