Promise ME (leopika fanfic)

Reject me

I stopped as I slowly grabbed his chin and made him look up at me with his bangs hanging over his eyes. His eyes had never shone so bright with so many mixed emotions that my heart stopped as I licked the back of my teeth with my tongue. "Kurapika I never want you to leave," I said as I lightly slid my free hand down to his hip making his eyes slowly wonder to the other side of the room. His cheeks had a light pink tint to them as he tried to pull away a little further but I wouldn't allow him to get more than an arms length away. My skin felt like fire for a moment and my eyes narrowed as I put my thumb on his lips to feel the soft flesh. It was weird for a moment how only a few moments ago I wouldn't have dared to touch him and now I wanted to challenge every single boundary. He was mine. That blonde hair, blue eyed, smartass piece of work was mine and I wanted him to know it. He parted his lips lightly and I slowly brought his lips inches from mine but stopped as his hands went to my chest to push me away.

Kurapika never would accept the fact that I now made it painfully obvious that I loved him and wanted for him to love me. His revenge needed to be forgotten while my hands ran down his slender body to feel hips that resembled much of a woman's hips. "Leorio stop," he broke our gaze and lightly pushed me so that the back of my hips would hit the desk. "You know as well as I do that the troupe is hunting everyone that is even in minor contact with me. I am a Murderer and I am not worth any such time on romance and or wasting on time on an emotion that I cannot accept," I had to stop because of how blunt he said those words and how his voice didn't waver as he called himself a murderer. I looked at his forehead to count the small hairs that lingered there because they had drifted off of his bangs. He voice did not waver because Kurapika was anything but weak, and he wasn't weak because he was capable of killing without feeling anything afterward.

You can convinced your enemy of a lie if you convince yourself that it is true and that is what really happened. My eyes closed for a moment as I tried to ignore the warmth that was leaving my hands because his fingertips turned cold. He always did get cold easy and needed extra blankets during the hunter exam and I gave him mine so he would be warm. "It wouldn't matter," I whispered and he looked up to meet my eyes for a moment and was pleased to see that he was curious. His eyes always hungry for knowledge in places that you were unlikely to find anything but maybe a few cobwebs. "Either way I am going to end up dying. If I talk to you, be with you, and you allow me to show you the love that you and your body deserve I would gladly die. If you leave me now I will surely die of loneliness and rejection because you are the only thing that I ever wanted," I whispered and he looked down with his eyes flashing that shade of scarlet that reminded me of roses that were fading darker in the midst of fall.

"Why would you want...," he whispered and I heard a gulp and his hands were shaking against my chest as he tried to steady himself. Always stubborn to look strong even when it was perfectly acceptable to be weak at times. "Something so Broken," he finished with his voice straining to stay even and I could tell that he was hiding his eyes because of the scarlet red. I slowly rose a hand to place it on the back of his hair and lightly ran my fingertips through the thick blonde locks. I could feel his porcelain skin against mine and for a moment I looked at him as a doll who had one to many cracks. "You're not broken Kurapika," I said after the silence seemed to be screaming and I looked at the walls that seemed to be creeping ever closer. He turned his head so that his ear was on my heart and I could feel it race against my chest, and for once I wanted for him to hear it.  I wanted him to know I felt and how I felt when he said such wrongful things about himself because he want beautiful. "You are original and that means that every crack, chip, and glued together part just makes you worth more."

"That Analogy is false because they are supposed to be in unopened boxes Leorio," he said in a matter of fact tone and I bit my lip to stop myself from arguing with him. I could always bring it up later when everything blew over or when I thought that he would be able to handle it. "I just don't understand," he said after a few moments as I played an imaginary argument through my head that I was sure I was able to win. I slowly pulled back so I would be able to look down and was surprised to see two blue eyes looking up at me in such confusion. He wasn't angry, I realized, but generally curious on why I loved him and now anyone else who acted similar to him. "None of them are you Kurapika. They don't have your hair, smile, eyes, laugh, nose, and even your scars to me are beautiful. If you break I will always glue you back together because you make me realize how much I need you every time I look at you," I bit my lip. "I can't stand the thought of you dying."

"I deserve to die Leorio," he once again stated in that matter of fact tone but I knew deep down that he must be hurting inside. "I've hurt people and I have betrayed my dead brothers and sisters by allowing liquor to drip from my lips," I don't deserve to live anymore than the people who were forsaken because of who they lay with at night," he froze as he looked into my eyes that I could feel I was glaring at him but I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. It was pointless, I have come to realize, he didn't see any value in himself and I couldn't make him feel any better without making him feel as if he was ordaining me. "Leorio you don't seem to under-" I broke him off by shooting my head up to meet his eyes and then looking away harshly. "I understand more than you know!" I yelled at him with a couple tears threatening at the ends of my eyes, but I held my breath because I couldn't bring myself to yell at him again. In the beginning I would have just jacked his ass without thinking much of it, but now as I look at those sad eyes all I want to do is...

"Leorio why don't you ever listen!" he pulled away harshly but stopped as he fell to his knees with his hand gripping the end of the table. "Pika," I said while shaking my head before trying to get on my knees to help him but he shot me a hard look. My heart skipped a beat as I watched him slowly pull himself off the ground, but in his eyes all I saw was that shear determination. That shine that never left his eyes no matter the day, the hour, or the second he looked at his whole life as a competition that he had to win in order to survive. I had to admit that a part of me admired that, that drive, but the rest- my heart especially hated that side of Kurapika. Just once I wanted for him to be weak in my arms, even if it is only for a second, and I wouldn't care if it never happened again. "God I love you," I whispered under my breath and stopped as Kurapika suddenly tensed and looked over at me slowly. I took a step back as I looked at that deep scarlet that I had grown to fear, but then again who wouldn't be, I saw what he did to the big blue guy back in that tower. "Kurapika," I said his name slowly as he shook his head lightly before taking a step towards me.

'Oh fuck' I thought as I started slowly backing away with his feet slowly moving in almost a graceful way. His hands he slowly rose towards me as my back hit my book shelf and his chest pressed firmly against mine. His body was so warm in that moment, and I could feel my heart beat against his which meant that it was giving me away. "Kurapika," I whispered his name against his pale forehead and I rested my lips against his hair line, and I closed my eyes. "Go ahead and do what you want to do. You're going to feel a lot better once you just kick my ass already, you always do," I said with a small smile as I felt his shoulders shake when I slowly placed my fingertips on them. "You deserve more than just life Kurapika. You deserve to be happy, you deserve a genuine smile, you deserve stability, you deserve to be able to look in the mirror and see Kurapika and not millions who have passed, and you deserve most of all the ability to love yourself!" I pulled him back so I could look in his eyes and I bit my lips as I looked into those dark eyes.

"Love myself? For what reason Leorio," he said in his usual monotone voice that made his voice higher than lower. He looked away as my eyes widened in shock as I looked at my hands that were gripping his shoulders tightly. "I want you love yourself as much as I love you Kurapika. I know I such at showing it but you are my best friend . You are the one I want to be able to come home to everyday after work. You are the one I want to give all of my past, present, and future because you make every day a bit brighter. I Just... I just... I love you Kurapika," I said before slowly hooking his chin with my middle finger to bring his lips slowly to mine. My eyes fluttered closed as my other hand slid to his waist to hold his body close to mine so I could feel his warmth. His arms wrapped around my neck and I ran my hands down to his waist so I could lift him up, and he wrapped his legs around my waist. I could feel his body shutter with each touch that he must have lacked from another human being, and I wanted to give him the world. No, I would give him the world because once he discovers himself he would have gotten a glimpse of my world. 

"Leorio please tell me to leave," he whispered as our lips slowly parted and he placed his forehead on mine. My legs shook from his weight but I ignored it as I looked into his eyes that had faded back into that sweet brown. "Because if you don't tell me to leave then I will never be able to make myself leave on my own," his voice cracked and his lip quivered against my forehead. I gave a small smile before moving my head so our nose slowly touched and I looked at his firmly closed eyelids. "You never get to leave then, I guess that means I won. Wow that would be a first," I smiled and laughed a little with his lips cracking into a small smile that I once again caught with mine. I never thought that I would ever love anyone, but with him in my arms I can feel my heart race in ways I could never describe. I would give him everything in order to make him happy, and I would escape the depths of hell to hold him again. Small tears slid down his cheeks and hit mine as I slowly closed my eyes and held him close, and that was when I knew that no matter what I would protect him, I promise that much.