Promise ME (leopika fanfic)

Studies and Romance

I laid awake with tears in my eyes as  I stared at the ceiling with a pounding in my chest as I thought about him. My white nightshirt hugging tight to my body from sweat as I rose my head from my desk to look at my exam paper only half written. I sighed as I looked at the letter that was next to it from the university, I had been skipping classes in order to stay with Kurapika. I have taken four weeks off from work and I have used up all the free days that university had to offer me. I knew that if I didn't go they would surely kick me out and I have done so much to just get this far it seemed to be a waste to drop out halfway through. That didn't... That didn't matter to me for some reason. I took a deep breath as I slowly picked up the letter and slowly pulled open the loose tab to see my name in red cursive letters. I had to throw this away before Kurapika found it, but a part of me already knew that he would find it either way. He always did know when something was wrong.

He wasn't well enough to be left alone yet, but he was well enough to walk around for short periods of time with assistance. He would go to the bathroom to change and bathe by himself because he was ashamed of the times I had to help him stand up right. It seemed that with the more motivation he had the faster he was healing. I closed my eyes to shield them from the harmful light of the lamp that was at the edge of my desk, but there was something inside that hurt with that thought. After months of empty phone calls, letters with no reply, screaming at a wall words that the blonde would never hear, and wishing that I would be able to help him; I didn't want to give him away. Once he was recovered he would surely leave without even a word of goodbye like he did the last time we met. Our eyes barely meeting and he utter a goodbye before turning away briskly without feeling and boarded without looking back. Kurapika never was good at showing his emotions, and me being clumsy in such situations I allow him to be distant.

It hurt to let him go, and I would even admit times I hated the younger male for his foolish outlook on life. Revenge and hatred are energy's that will only get you so far before you breakdown and look around you to realize you have wasted your time. I knew that once Kurapika got the scarlet eyes back he would breakdown and wouldn't know who's arms to fall into. I wondered, if he even remembered what a loving touch felt like? I also wondered if there was a possibility that he was using the scarlet eyes an excuse to live longer. He doesn't need revenge I have decided but much rather he needed someone to show him that there is more to this life than hate and regret. He needs to be loved and him going around killing people, bad or no, isn't doing any good but actually hurting him. I opened my eyes slowly as I heard a sound and looked over my shoulder lightly to see he had rolled onto his side. Kurapika had always been a restless sleeper, even during the hunter exam he laid close to me to fight off his demons. At night he told me once he could hear them screaming, asking why he got to live while the rest of them had to die.

At times I knew he asked himself the same question and Gon would wrap his arms around him to hug him close in a way I would get slapped for. I smiled lightly as I looked at the wall in front of me and leaned into my palm remembering how he used to smile. Gon and Killua meant more to him than he would ever give on but it was clear to me that he did look at them like family. Kurapika told me that he had been an only child because his older brother had been put to death for murdering a few village women. It was hard to believe that he could be so kind on the inside but on the outside he appeared blunt and uncaring. He cared about everyone except for himself, and that bugged me more than I would ever let him know. He would always refer to himself as if he was something that could be replaced easily, and it pissed me off to the point it hurt to bite my tongue.

He was gorgeous to say the least with his thin frame, golden hair, and his eyes that told stories even though those pointless contacts. I have thought that since we bounded while running in the first part of the exam with flushed cheeks and body with sweat running down pale flesh. I knew that I wasn't allowed to touch unless he was asleep or when I found it appoerpate to give friendly support. I stopped, I had to stop thinking like that! HE was a GUY and that meant he would want to be with someone he could at least reproduce with. I sighed at the thought of him being in someone's arms, I should be happy for him, but a part of me couldn't understand the sadness on the back of my mind. I have known for sometime that I was Bisexual but I never thought in a million years that someone like Kurapika would be at the back of my mind. His blonde hair and long legs almost didn't make up for his smartass mouth and his attitude to match. In a way it displeased me that he couldn't be defenseless so I would be the one to take the reigns and protect him.