Dangerous Words for Dangerous Times

Four

"So, do you need to talk about it, or do you just want to watch a movie?" Zachariah sat on the edge of his bed, watching Fiyonah carefully. Fiyonah tucked her feet up under herself, reaching for a case of old DVDs. This case had all her favourites. Cinderella was highly illogical, but it fascinated her, striking a chord inside.

Carefully concealing her thoughts, she reached for the remote control. Zac sighed but got up to put the movie choice in the player. Grabbing a couple extra blankets and closing their bedroom door, he tucked himself in right beside her, folding her small seemingly fragile frame into his body heat. He knew she would talk about it when she felt like it, which would be hardly never, but pushing her would get neither of them anywhere. Resting his head against hers, he kissed her forehead. It felt so natural and innocent an act, and indeed it was- to him. But he felt her tense and skootch away a little from his welcoming arms.

Did it feel good to have affection in place of abuse? Of course! But she had to be careful. She only had one chance to lose her heart to someone, and she feared that Zac already had claim to much of it already. She did not doubt his abilities to take care of her. She did not doubt that, given the chance, what they could have could be real. But she did doubt her own ability to continue on if anything happened to her. The way he already made her feel was confusing. A mystery. She worried she'd become too attached to him too fast. That was almost impossible, as she had grown up with him and they'd been together through everything for forever. But the quickened pulse rate, the nervous queasiness, the heat never far off from her face- what did those old movies call it? A blush? Wasn't that a cosmetic appliance she had studied in woman's basic anatomy and history? Either way, she was having a harder time giving into these feelings presented to her every time she was close to him- especially when he was unexpectedly affectionate towards her.

As the movie went on, she mulled over the possible torturous traps she may have escaped tonight. Maybe mother was planning on selling her out already. Maybe mother would test her abilities in certain aspects of... pleasurable persuasion.

Whatever it was, she decided to be grateful for her escape and burrowed closer to Zac's soft warm chest, nestling into his arms once more. He rested his chin back on her head, sighing contentedly, watching the little singing dancing mice gather articles of old little bobbles to make a long pink tunic for the poor misused adolescent. Cinderella was one of his favourite movies as well, though he wouldn't admit it to anyone. He loved the idea of a handsome saviour sweeping in to save the girl, sticking it in the face of the abusive mother figure. Of course, when he pictured Fiyonah in that position, he knew all too well that she was capable of saving herself. She would never ask for his help in getting out of there, she just needed somewhere- someone- safe to get away. One thing he loved about Cinderella was that she never asked for a man to save her, she just wanted a few hours to party- away from the watchful eyes of the evil stepmother and stepsisters.

When the duke was placing the glass slipper that Cinderella had produced to prove she really was the girl, after the stepmother had tripped the duke, causing him to break the first glass slipper, Fiyonah had curled right up against him and fallen asleep. He grinned into her head and whispered for the first time the words that changed his life. He reached over and turned off the lamp and TV and fell asleep with Fiyonah in his arms, dreaming of dancing the night away, and strange little vermin that sang and danced and wore clothes.

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   In the morning, with the sun shining through, Zac awoke to Fiyonah leaning over him, one hand tangled in his bushy dark curls, one hand resting on his chest. He smiled up at her pretty chocolate face, the spattering of freckles on his nose and cheeks peaking out. Fiyonah kept a serious look on her face, but her eyes were light, and her brows were not drawn together, so he guessed she was in a good mood this morning.

    "Eggs and bacon this morning?" Zac had to drag himself out of her dark, earthy brown eyes. The flecks of gold always drew him in closer. He never got tired of her eyes.

   Fiyonah, on the other hand, had been thinking about how soft his hair was. She felt significantly lighter than last night. It could probably be because she slept so deeply. It could be because she was momentarily out of reach from mother. It could be because she always felt lighter beside Zachariah. But this time felt monumentally different. Like something in the night had shifted.

    "Yes, we should make something for the kids." Fiyonah withdrew and threw one of his large warm sweaters over her tank top and shorts. Her socked feet padded quietly over the floor towards the door. Zac sat up on one arm and watched her with a dreamy smile playing across his lips.

    Then he remembered what he had said last night to her while she was asleep. He bolted up out of bed and threw a shirt on, racing after her. How could he have been so stupid last night? He should not have said that! He should've asked first! He might've just ruined her life! No guy can take her now, not with her already bonded to him with those words!

   Maybe no one will be able to tell. Nonsense as it was of a thought, he could always hold out hope that she could still be showed by someone better. Someone who could love her without any extra ties to the family. Someone who could afford a dowery to her family. Fiyonah had enough troubles as it was, she didn't need this added weight ruining her life.

    Skidding to a stop in the kitchen doorway, he paused, watching her laughing and joking with Jakobin, Emersyn and Aadya. Indira always slept a little later before classes. He noticed the little dimpled grooves in her dark cheeks, sable eyes flashing in the sunlight streaming in through patches of the dirty kitchen window. Jakobin sat on a part of the kitchen counter while Aadya was doubled over in laughter. Emersyn grinned while pretending to assist with the bacon. Watching his family interacting with his best friend warmed his heart.

Maybe she will be fine with him. They can take care of each other. But she still deserved to know what he'd done to her. Saying it is one thing, but without her knowing he'd said it is dooming.

Entering the kitchen and gathering his courage, he asked Emersyn, Jakobin, and Aadya if he could have a moment with Fiyonah.

"Breakfast will be ready soon, guys. Don't wander far." Fiyonah instructed as they headed to the other room. Turning towards Zac expectantly, her eyes held a glimpse of joy in them, attempting to stay well hidden, but ultimately failing. Her plump brown lips were slightly turned upwards, the lines around her mouth slightly pronounced. The longer he stalled, the more curious her expression became.

Finally, inhaling a gulp of air, pushing his mop of curls off his forehead, he resolved to tell her.

"Fiyonah, I'm so sorry. I need to start with that. I'm so sorry. Last night, as you slept, I said, 'I love you' to you."
Zac held another breath in, bitting on his lip in anticipation. Fiyonah was stunned. Beside her, the bacon snapped and crackled on the pan. Maybe she returned his feelings and he hadn't doomed her. Maybe she could marry him in the spring and everything would be all right, and she could escape from mother. Maybe... but then her eyes hardened and her lips pinched more together.

"Zac, I can't believe you. You wouldn't have. You're smarter than that. You knew our plans. I-I just can't believe it." She looked ferocious, even as her voice cracked. Turning back to the breakfast cooking, it was clear he was getting the cold shoulder, and cold breakfast. "We will talk about this later. But I'm not going home until this ridiculous incident is resolved."

So that's all that it was. A "ridiculous incident." Well, he's glad her initial reaction wasn't that of having been betrayed. He almost wished he could take the words he said last night back, even if he knew what he felt was true, if only to give her a chance in their strict society. This was no place to speak such words carelessly.

One thing was for sure, if mother found out, she really would be doomed.