Courage

Chapter 32. Be honest

Colin's POV

"Jen, be honest with me, please."

She turned around and stared at me. She raised an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why do you have condoms in your drawer?"

"Excuse me?" Her face changed suddenly. She was upset.

"Why do you have condoms in your drawer?" I repeated. "Answer me."

"Colin, please, don't ruin it." She said trying to stay calm, but she didn't get it.
I could see how upset she was.

"Besides, do you care?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Get out of here." She said.

Ok, that was not what I expected.
Now she was throwing me out of her room?

"I'm not going anywhere." I said. "I want you to explain...

"What? Do you want an explanation!?"

"Yes."

"I knew this would end badly. Damn! I knew it."

Yes, she is right. I ruined it.
I'm dying of jealousy!

"I...I'm...

"Just go away."

"Jen..."

"Get out of my room right now."

I took a step toward her trying to get closer, but she backed up raising her hands making it clear that she did not want me to get close.

"Jen...please."

"Colin..."

"I'm an idiot. I'm really sorry."

"No, you're not", she said. "I'm the one who should apologize."

"I just shouted at you because of my jealousy and you're the one who apologizes?" I shook my head. Now I was confused.

"I will be honest with you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I have condoms in my drawer because I expected to use them with someone..." She looked down. "Eric."

"Eric?" I yell.

My scream not only surprised Jen, I was also surprised by my own reaction.

"Yes. Eric."

"I don't..."

"Let me explain," she said.

I nodded.

"Eric will be here in two days." She said as she sat on the bed. "We agreed to spend a few days here, together."

I can't believe it.

"We were supposed to be here, together." She said.

I tried to talk but I could not do it.

I was petrified.

My entire body was frozen.

"Colin, you asked me to be honest with you."

"Y-yes."

I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.

My brain repeated those words over and over again.

"I...I don't...Y-you...Sorry!" I tried to say something coherent but I could not.

"Can you tell me what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'M JEALOUS!" I shouted again, but this time let out the anger that was trying to contain.

"You're a selfish bastard."

"Oh, yeah, that's what you think I am?

"Yes."

"Oh, great." I snorted.

I'm so angry that I want to run away from here but at the same time I need to tell her so many things and she must listen to me.

"What about Eric? How is he?" I asked angrily.

Of course my question also angered Jen.

"He is a better person than you."

Poom!

That was not the answer I was waiting for.

The words that Jen had just said echoed in my ears causing a sharp pain in my chest.

"I... I-I think I should go." I said as I took my jacket.

Jen took my arm. "I didn't mean that."

"It's okay, Jen. I get it."

She let out a snort, "No, you don't."
She pulled my arm. "Colin, wait!"

"What do you want from me, Jennifer?"

My head was about to explode.

"I want to apologize for what I said a moment ago, I just was upset."

I clenched my teeth trying to control my emotions.
Tears were threatening to get out of my eyes. My arms and legs were shaking.

"I'm sorry to bring out the worst in you, Jen. I'm really sorry." After saying that I could contain the tears.

"No! no, no, no." she said. "Listen to me, please." She took my face with her hands, forcing me to look her straight in the eyes. "I'm angry and I'm very scared. I can not control what I am saying."

I frowned. "Why are you scared?"

"Because I don't know if I will be able to forget you."

"What?"

"I can't imagine how to continue with my life after what happened last night."

"WHAT?" I screamed again. "Do you really think I'm going to disappear?"

"You have a family!"

"Yes, I have a family." I said. "But..."

"But what!?"

"Oh, my God. Do you really think I'm a damn selfish?"

"I...I don't think that!" She said.

"You want to know what I think?"

I need to say everything I think, now I can not keep quiet.

"Colin..."

"No, now you're going to listen to me." I cut whatever she tried to tell me. "I try to tell you something since I came to your room, so please, pay attention."

Jen pursed her lips.

"I broke up with Helen."