Courage

Chapter 7. New York

[June 2017]

Jen's POV

The truth is that what happened to Colin in the car was still spinning in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The only way I found not to think about him was concentrate on my new project: 'The end of longing'.

This play has given me the opportunity to do something different from what I've been doing in the last 6 years.

Back to the stage is great!

And New York...This city is magical, I love it! My days here are always fun, the truth is that I have not had time to get bored.

My family was here to support me. They really enjoyed the play! Dad and mom were here only two days but that was enough for me. Seeing my parents is always nice. God, I miss them so much!

I'm working with great people here. The play has been a success, we are very happy.

Some of my friends have also come to see the play. It means a lot to me.

But the important is...Rose is here today! Those are always good news.

This little woman is so special to me. I can't explain in words how fortunate I am to have her in my life.

After the show we had decided to have dinner at the hotel, I was exhausted.
Rose and I had a lot to talk about, well, we always have a lot to talk about...

***

"We're going to need more wine here", Rose said raising her empty glass.

"I don't think that's a good idea", I pointed to the empty bottle on the table. "I have things to do tomorrow" I sighed. "Plus, I think this is starting to take effect in my body, Rose."

Two glasses of wine were enough to make me dizzy.

"Alright!" She said as she stood. "I need you to tell me everything".

Rose opened the bedroom window and sat there. From there she stared at me with his arms crossed waiting for me to answer.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me about Colin", she demanded. "I mentioned his name a few hours ago and you've turned pale." 

And now that she mentions it again, I suppose my face right now must be red.

"Oh yes, Mozza, I know you very well", she said with a victorious smile on her face. "So please tell me".

HERE WE GO.
SAY IT, MORRISON!

"We kissed. Twice."

"Wow! When? You ha-"

"I'll tell you everything" I said trying to reassure her.  "You just don't interrupt me, okay?"

"Okay", she said but I could still see how impatient she was.

"The first time was in his apartment, we were drunk." I sighed.

This is harder than I thought. I thought as I searched for the right words to explain Rose everything that had happened. Talk about this again was hard for me.

"The second time was in his car."

"It would be helpful if you give me details, Jen"

"I kissed him. I kissed him and it felt so good. I can barely breathe when I'm near him.
The truth is  I can't stop thinking about him no matter how hard I try."

I can't believe I said that out loud.

"Damn it, Jen. You're in love wi-"

"I'm in love with Colin, yes"

I love him with all my heart.

"Now's a good time for you to say something, Rose." I said because his silence was freaking me out.

I had talked about this with Ginny, but she hadn't said anything. Of course she understood me, there was no need to tell me anything.

But right now I needed Rose to say something. I mean, I just confessed that I'm in love with my co-worker, who by the way is married and has TWO children. God!

"This doesn't surprise me. I have seen how you look at each other."

"What?"

"Like I said, I know you so well."

That's right, she knows me very well.

"Before you say anything I want you to know that I'm trying hard to leave all that behind. My life must go on, and what has happened to Colin shouldn't matter to me because he's happily married." I said with the intention to end this awkward conversation.

"And how do you know he doesn't feel anything for you?"

I can't imagine he can feel anything for someone else. It's impossible.

"He doesn't feel anything for me, I know."

When I said that, Rose opened her mouth to protest, but I stopped her by holding up the index finger of my right hand. "Our conversation ends here." I said.

"Fine..."

I knew Rose had more questions and I also knew that sooner or later I would tell her everything, but not today.

I  knew that once again I was trying to ignore my feelings, which is quite useless, because Colin appears in my thoughts all the time.

He's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and it is also my last thought before I go to sleep.

I can't help it.

***

Colin's POV

After kissing Jen that day in the car I tried to talk to Helen so many times but fear stopped me.

Yes, I'm a coward, a fucking coward.

I hate myself for breaking my promise.
She realized that something was wrong, but she still didn't say anything. 

Helen is a wonderful person.
I've known her since we were teenagers, we have been together for many years.

She deserves to know the truth.

***

I woke up one morning, ready to tell her everything, I was definitely going to do it.

Flashback

Helen  was sitting on the couch next to the window, the house was very quiet because Evan was at his uncles' house.

"I need to talk to you, Helen." I said standing in front of her.
She offered me her hand sweetly, inviting me to sit next to her. I did it.

"Are you still worried about your job? I told you the children and I will be there, I promised."
A few days ago we had been talking about the possibility that she and the children would definitely move to Vancouver.

Helen had already told me that we would live together there, but hearing that again made my heart explode with joy.

Then I realized that all I needed was my family.  Nothing else matters to me. Whatever happened between me and Jen was insignificant.  That was just a stupid thing.
I didn't want to break Helen's heart, she doesn't deserve any of that.

I decided not to say anything.

End of flashback

The day Millie was born all the fears and worries vanished. Well, everything but guilt.