High Tide

An Alpha Promise

We stepped outside and walked a little ways until we were inside my garage.  It seemed he didn't want Quil and Embry to hear what we were going talk about. I respected that decision. I thought keeping this conversation private was a better.

"Jake, I think you know what this is about."

"Hmmm... I think I do." I said still acting dumb.

"Jake, Quit playing around like a kid you know what I'm referring to."

Ouch, that hurt. Although, he was right.

He took my silence as an agreement and continued. "When I imprinted on Emily, I felt horrible for months, you know that. And then I thought the situation was finally settling down and Leah was no longer in love with me. She wanted nothing to do with me, I thought she hated me. Then when she joined the pack I saw that she didn't hate me, she was still in love with me. I also saw how she struggled day to day with the wolf life style and spending her time with me. She wanted nothing more than to be away from me. The pain of seeing me was too much for her. Then when you made your own separate pack, she saw it as a way to escape the part of her life she dreaded most. So she joined you. Then we joined back together and she just couldn't handle it anymore. She was getting to her breaking point. I proposed to Emily not thinking about the effects it would have on her and then I got the ring..." He paused for a moment. "Then Leah passed her breaking point and hasn't come back yet."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You shouldn't have had to think about the effects marrying the love of life would have on Leah." I told him honestly. 

He looked at me; his eyes intent. "Yes, I should have. I was the Alpha, at the time, I should have waited to propose to Emily. I was selfish."

There was that word again: selfish.

"I could have waited. We didn't even get married until several years after I proposed."

I suddenly had a flash back of that wedding. Everyone was invited even Charlie, Bella, Edward, and Nessie. I remember Nessie was half my size back then. I remember Emily walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress and everyone crying tears of joy at the sight of the blushing bride. She was stunning but as I remember so was Bella on the day of her wedding. I guess it made sense; all brides should be look beautiful on the day of their wedding. I also remember that was the day when Sue and Charlie started going out. It was a good day for everyone.

"Jake, I messed up. I was glad that you picked up my slack when you became Alpha." He sounded grateful. "You made sure no one thought about Emily or I, my engagement, my wedding when they phased. You also made sure she had her space during the night, so she could roam free away from our thoughts. You were the opposite of selfish."

There was that damn word again. "No, I wasn't." I sounded slighlty defensive.

"Well, you cared for her. You cared whether she was in pain or not, or at least you did. I remember her reminiscing about one of your thoughts before she left. She didn't think anyone was listening."

"Wait, what thought was she thinking about?" I didn't think Leah cared about any thing I told her?

"Well, it's kind of difficult to explain, but it was basically about how you and her might actually run away together to Canada. You thought that she was tolerable and she had a lot in common with you. She was willing not to bother you as long as you took her along. You were starting to get used to the idea. You guys would run away from things you didn't want to face and you guys would do it together. But then you met Nessie and it was all over." He opened his mouth it looked like he was going to say more but then he clamped his mouth shut.

"What else were you going to say?" I couldn't believe she thought about that. What else did she think about that I didn't know?

"O-Oh, nothing." He hestitaed there was more to the story.

"Tell me what you were going to say. Please, Sam." I asked pleadingly. I wanted to know what else she thought about.

"Well I was just going to say that she wished you hadn't met Nessie because all her plans of escaping the world she hated came to a halt."

"Oh." I didn't wanna know that. "She must have hated me?"

"Actually, she didn't hate you or Nessie or anyone. She was happy that you had a happy ending. Of course she was let down, because you were the only person who knew how she felt. But she certainly did not hate you. She regretted you having those thoughts and considering escaping away with her, but she also was glad that you had these thoughts. She was content that you even considered the thought of traveling in a pack with her alone. No one else would do it. She thought that you cared and she felt no one else did. She knew it was probably because you two were in the same situations, but she wasn't bothered by it. For the first time in years someone understood her. She didn't feel so alone. You and Leah had a bond. You could sympathize with her. That's all Leah really wanted. No one else could do that but you, Jake. I thank you for that."

Whoa.

This was information overload. I was still processing every word that had been said. I was utterly speechless. I tried to speak but nothing came out of my mouth. What Sam had just said came left me baffled. I had no idea. I didn't know that Leah of all people didn't hate me. She thought about things I said in the past and she wasn't bitter about one single thing, not one empty promise I had made. Technically, I never made a promise to her, but I led her on into thinking that we would flee to Canada together. She wasn't angry at me for imprinting on Renesmee. She wasn't mad that I had forgotten all about her when I imprinted. She was happy for me. She was glad that I even considered tolerating her in my little pack. She was glad that she found someone who understood her and could sympathize with her. The thought of what I had said brought her happiness. Even though, I couldn't sympathize with her anymore, she didn't resent me.  The thought of what I had said brought her happiness in her dark time. She had hated her life and probably still did. She was the only one who never found her happy ending. She was sad and hurt and in pain.

Suddenly, my thoughts became clear. The Alpha inside of became very aware. I had messed up big time. I was a selfish, selfish person and I had to fix it. I wasn't even being nice to Leah I just tolerated her and that brought her joy. I wasn't just a bad Alpha, but a terrible person. 

Now,  I remembered the promise I had made this morning.  I promised to be the best Alpha I could possibly be and right now I was not acting like the best Alpha.

"Jake?" Sam waved his hand in front of my face and I was brought back to the conversation.

"Sorry, Sorry. I'm here."

"Jake she thought highly of you?" He added.

Great, as if I couldn't hate myself anymore I did now. Although, I was grateful he told me. 

"Thanks for telling me this Sam. I really appreciate it." I said as an Alpha.

"Jake, when we asked this morning if you would go find Leah. We knew we had asked the right person. I hope you see why we thought you were the right person." 

"Yes, I do see and I'm sorry for my response this morning. It wasn't right and it wasn't mature. Not something an Alpha should do. I should have known that." 

"Thank you, Jake." He nodded his head at me. "So, you will go after her?"

My Alpha voice took over. "Yes" I said strong and affirmative. "She is part of my pack and I should be responsible for her."

"You're a good Alpha Jake."

"Not all the time." I said still in my Alpha mentality.

"That may be so, but at least you are trying."

I smiled with his words. His words helped to confirm I was doing the right thing. I didn't hate myself that much anymore. I may not have been the perfect Alpha, but I was trying my best. 

Day 3 of #JustWriteIt Challenge. Thanks for reading! Vote if you enjoyed. Comment on your favorite part. xo