Totem

*Chapter 3*: The Truth

Finally after two hours the bus stops and Phoebe and I get of the bus with a bunch of people and their totems. I look behind my shoulder and see that Freckle has also got of the bus and is making its way to me. I stop walking and I turn around to face Freckle.
   'Fiona...' I can feel Phoebe stopping abruptly, turns around and starts to pull my arm. 'Fiona!', she says,'Why are you stopping? Ow.. You! Leave her alone!'
'Fiona... I'm sorry that I pushed you away and I didn't write to you for the whole summer....I really wanted to...Only there's one thing-'
'Go on..' I say with a curiosity.
'-I pushed you away because for all these years my feelings for you have grown and I couldn't help it but to think about you all the time...'
'He loves you?', Phoebe asks.
'Yes I love her. I love you, Fiona...'
'But that doesn't make any sense! Why did you push me away?' I say with confusion.
'Well... The day before summer holiday started we couldn't meet each other because I was spending my day with my family and you said you were going to hang out with some old school friend before you were going to move to Pickledum, remember?'
I nod.
'And then on that day my family and I went for a walk in the Driffle Forest where we used to go and play when we were younger. But then I saw you in the forest sitting down on a bench further on with a boy. Fiona, you were kissing him! I looked away and said to my parents that I didn't feel well and that I was going to go home by foot. And so I walked in the opposite direction with my back turned on my family but also on you.'
I can't believe what I'm hearing... He was there and I didn't even notice him or even told him about it. Phoebe lets go of my arm and she comes to stand beside us while looking confused at me.
   'Yes, I know that we had a promise of writing to each other but I just couldn't do it. You were with another boy and my heart broke.... So I decided not to write to you because I knew that I couldn't have you because you were his property. And I saw that you definitely liked him and what I always wanted is that you would be happy so I let you go. I knew if I would have answered these letters that you wrote to me, I would have regained hope to have you as mine but then that image of you and that boy kissing pops up in my head that decreases my hope again. With that image in my head I couldn't see a future with you. I was glad that you were happy but at the time it hurt so much that I didn't even come outside to even have fun for the whole summer. Instead I stayed inside thinking: Why? But I still can't answer that question but you can. Please tell me the truth because I need to know!'
Tears starts to pop up in my eyes. So this is the truth... He still looks at me with his big eyes, also filled with tears.
'Freckle-'
'Yes?'
'-Yes I had a lover that I didn't tell you about because first I wasn't sure if it was going to work and also because you would have freaked out because you don't like him-'
'Who is he?!' he asks with confusion.
'-It was the boy of our school that you called Trash and I called him Pierce because he has a piercing in his nose-'
'WHAT? That was him?! That was Trash?! I can't believe you! I can't believe it! This can't be happening!'
He turns around in a circle while punching the air out of anger. Then he turns around to face me again.
   'Fiona! He was the person who bullied me in first grade! How could you?!' He starts to shout.
'I know! I know! We even talked about that part but he said to me that he actually realized after that period that you were actually a cool guy and that he was wrong to bully you. I didn't tell you of us because I knew that you wouldn't forgive him and you would have forced me to abandon him because of your hate towards him. But Freckle, he has changed! Well that was what I thought...-'
'What do you mean?'
'Freckle, he cheated on me. I saw him kissing with another girl. I didn't know her. She was a stranger to me. I walked away. I walked away from him with a broken heart.... I didn't even mention it in my letters because I didn't want to make you more angry or even worried. So I kept it quiet until the time would come that I would see you again. But you didn't even write back or didn't even came to see me. I didn't know what was going on. But Freckle... I'm so sorry! If I would have known! If I would have known that you were there then we could have discussed this even sooner and maybe it wouldn't have turned out into this... And why didn't you tell me sooner that you loved me?'
'I don't know... I think that I wanted to be sure that maybe you also had feelings for me... And that brings me to this question: Do you love me?'
'Freckle...' I say in a not promising way, 'Oh Freckle... I really like you Freckle but just as a friend. You are the friend that I won't regret having. You are the most best friend who was always there for me to comfort me, to have fun with me, to listen to me... I couldn't have wished for a better friend because you are actually the most amazing friend that anyone on this planet could have wished for. I think some people are even jealous of our friendship and I don't want to ruin that. Because what if we were more then just friends but that we couldn't work. And then we would have been drawn apart even further and I don't want that to happen. Because I don't want to lose the friend who was there for me...'
He looks down at his feet.
   'So you don't love....me?'
'No I'm sorry Freckle, I don't...'
Then he turns around and starts to walk the other way. He stops abruptly but then he continues with his head looking down and with his hands in his pockets. Phoebe comes to stand in front of me.
'Are you okay?' she asks in a worried voice. I shake my head.
'I think I just lost my best friend...' Phoebe looks up, takes my arm and starts to walk in the opposite way.
'Lets get some hot chocolate, huh?' I nod. I still have got tears in my eyes and I'm just thinking that what would have been the situation between us if I have known sooner? Would have it been better or worse?