Alan and Austin were walking in silence. There was an overcast sky still because of the rain they had today, but other than that it wasn't too bad. Then again, they both had hoodies on, so maybe it was chillier than they really thought. They were on their way to Alan's to work on some home work or screw around, either one usually worked and if it didn't one led to the other fairly quick (schoolwork was rarely gotten through though). Alan didn't know about what happened fourth period, and if possible it would stay that way, the less people who know the better.
They kicked their shoes off at the door when they got there, and Alan being the teenage boy he was, went strait for the kitchen. Normally that would have made Austin smile for whatever reason, but it didn't really phase him right now, he felt like a lot of things wouldn't really effect how he felt for the time being. He left Alan to his work of making a sandwich that he classified as "Jesus", it was the best god damn looking sandwich you'd ever hope to see and it tasted like [i]so much yes[/i]. Austin was going upstairs to alans room though, they didn't really care about boundaries anymore and they just decided that everything was both of theirs except jeans because Austin was taller than Alan and they bagged at the ankle on him. Alan hated that about skinny jeans.
When the younger got up the stairs he heard sniffling coming from his room and walked a little faster than he was before to get there. Austin was sitting on the corner of his bed that met two white walls, knees pulled to his chest hugging them and his forehead against them. Alan set his food down and came over to Austin, making the weight on the bed shift startling the latter. He looked up knowing it was Alan and wiped his face of the tears running down it, they just looked at each other and Austin sat his chin against his knees looking away. Alan was giving him this sad, concerned look and Austin could see it out of the corner of his eyes.
"why won't you tell me what's wrong..." Alan spoke after a few moments of silence.
"because maybe if I don't say it won't be real." Austin knew it was irrational to think that because, like it or not, it was real. No matter what he did or did not say.
"Austin... It... Things don't... You know that won't make a difference..." Alan didn't know what to say because there wasn't really much that he could.
"you don't know that" but he did.
Alan came closer and was sitting in the same position across from Austin, almost mirroring the boy, staring at him not looking back "I do though, and if you tell me we can talk about it and I might be able to make you feel better about it and..." Alan kept talking, even when Austin had said "okay" two times and was now staring back at him.
"Alan"
"because I don't want you to be upset and you..."
"[i]Alan.[/i]"
"And I don't want you to get like you did the last time something like this happened because it was terrible for you and for everyone else too because we all just wanted to help and you just kept pushing us away and it just"
He spoke louder, knowing that the ginger was [I]not[/I] going to stop his rant "Alan will you please shut the fuck up so I can tell you my moms going to fucking die and That I might be sick too?"
Thats all it took for Alan to shut up, his breath catching in his throat mid sentence "w-what." it wasn't a question, much like Austin's hadn't been when he found out.
Austin only nodded and drug his hand back across his face again, hoodie sleeve rough against his skin as he wiped the tears away.
"I... Austin..." Alan looked into the swollen eyes of the person in front of him and just didn't know what to say or do, so he looked down at his hands that were now in his lap since he changed his position of sitting.
"I didn't really expect you to say anything... I'd really just rather you not though because sorry won't fix it and it'll just sound cliche even though I know you mean it."
"I am though... Are they sure?"
"Alan they're fucking doctors, I don't know, yeah probably"
"cant they do anything to fix it?" Alan had looked back up to Austin sheepishly, awkwardly, sadly... Because this wasn't supposed to happen. That was his mom, that shit isn't fucking fair.
"apparently not because this disease has been in her since forever and I more than likely have it too."
"[i]what?[/i]" Alan didn't believe what he was hearing.
"yeah... Um. It's called Marfan Syndrome... And uh. it like. It disrupts the regular growth of your cells and stuff and makes the connective tissue in your body weak and that's why I'm so tall and lanky like this, and that's why I have to wear my glasses sometimes... There might be something wrong with my heart too if I have it and its genetic so I just [I]know[/I] I have it because of the symptoms and they might have to do surgery to fix it... And even that might not work..."
Alan was listening but he just kept staring blankly at Austin; he didn't understand some of it but he got enough to know that Austin was sick and could die if the doctors couldn't help him.
Austin's eyes had started to well with tears for what felt like the hundredth time today and his voice cracked as he spoke, "Alan say something!" silence, there was no reaction from him, nothing. "Alan if you don't fucking say something I swear to god I will get up and leave because I can't handle anymore of this"
Alan would loose it if he lost Austin, go-on-a-killing-spree hurt-everyone-in-sight loose-his-shit-on-life, loose it. He would end up in a ward, he'd be the kid that went mental because his best friend died and he knew his parents wouldn't be able to deal with that, and he certainly didn't want them to have to. He stayed silent though and Austin moved out of his corner and got off of the bed, starting to walk away. Alan grabbed his wrist though, looking down at the bed as he spoke, hair in his face "Austin I'm not letting you leave" austin looked back at him, tears again tracking down his face.
Alan got up and pushed him back down onto his bed, then proceeded to sit atop him. It wasn't in a seductive, sexual way in the slightest, it was meant to be caring and to bring comfort. Alan's eyes caught on the wet lines that were spread and smudged across Austin's face and brought his hands up to his brown haired boy's cheeks, swiping his thumbs gently across the tracks to erase them. Austin's head was turned slightly and his eyes were closed, lips being bitten in an overturned frown, he was obviously trying not to cry anymore than he already had.
"hey, hey..." Alan took his chin between his fingers and turned his head so Austin would be looking strait at him when he opened his eyes. "I know that you're afraid, and I know your upset, but you don't have to do this by yourself, you've got your dad, and me and my family, and you got the guys and theirs. Austin everything's going to be alright. You are not doing this on your own... And, no matter what ends up happening with your mom I'm going to be here for you and I promise you that even if you aren't okay, it [i]will be okay[/i], because you aren't ever going to be alone." he was hoping that that was enough because that was all he had to say, that's all he knew what to say, it was the only way he knew how to say it. That's all it was right now,and Austin only nodded.
Austin parted his lips to speak but was interrupted by Alan leaning his forehead against, his closing his eyes "no, no its okay now, everything's going to be okay" alan was nodding slowly as he spoke, hoping that this was enough. He felt thin arms snake around him and tighten and then the weight of Austin's head in the crook of his neck.
The dark haired boy took a deep breath and began a,most inaudibly mumbling into the gingers neck"this is why your my best friend" huh. Friend... Friend, they were friends. The best of friends. They were a little ore than just best friends though, and if it wasn't for the [b]very[/b] questionable things they've done in the past, they'd basically be brothers. But it wasn't like that, it never really was. Nothing is ever really the way you expect or hope for it to be, there's always a catch or a slight difference. They were never [i]just[/i] friends, and they never really would be.
They'd always be more.
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This is bad and late and about 400 words shorter than what I was hoping for but here it is and thank youu for the subs and recs, and I am promising an update for Let's Get This Show On The Road to happen in a few soons. Yes I know what I said. Um. Here? Your faces nice btw and I'm half asleep and sad so yeah 3:42AM feels are BAD feels so I'm leaving, goodnight.
