Last Two Words

Prologue

Prologue

Ayoko na.

Sawang sawa na ako.

I want to end this.

I want to end everything.

I want to die.

If i slit my wrist and bleed to death it wouldn't change a thing.

If i cut my throat and die with blood gushing out of my mouth no one would miss me.

If i shove this knife in my heart. No one would care because nobody ever did.

"Dear God. I hate this. Bakit ako pa? Bakit mo pa ba ako binigyan ng buhay kung puro pasakit lang din ang ibibigay mo. Bakit mo pa ako binigyan ng buhay kung ipaparamdam lang din sakin ng mga tao na wala lang ako. Puro problema. Puro sakit. Puro pait. Ganito nalang ba? Kapit ako ng kapit sayo pero hindi mo manlang ako magawang i ahon mula sa pagkalunod ko dito sa dagat ng kadiliman ng mundo. I'm here in the ocean floor of misery! Drowning in my own fucking tears! Sa sobrang pagkalunod ko hindi na ako makita ng ibang tao at wala manlang nag hanap sakin. NAGING MABAIT AKO! I'M SERVING YOU AND OFFERED MY LIFE TO YOU. ANDAMING DRUG ADDICT DIYAN BAKIT HINDI NALANG SILA YUNG MAG HIRAP. Ghad! JESUS CHRIST WHY ME?! "

I screamed at the rooftop of God knows what building this is. When I got out of the bar. I just ran and ran until I saw a tall building. I entered it and went straight to the rooftop and I can still hear the noise from the world below. The world is busy with its own life and here I am in my agony, still holding the broken pieces of me. Hindi ko ba alam kung paano ko aayusin yung sarili ko. Ang alam ko lang, Gusto ko nang tapusin lahat ng to.

" C'mon... C'mon " I muttered as i tried to slit my wrist. If I slit my wrist it would take time to kill me and ma f feel ko ang pain. Puro sakit na nga nararamdaman ko from my inside dadagdagan ko pa.

" Okay I'll just cut my throat then " I told myself and then the other part of my mind told me that it's gruesome and it wont be anice thing to see if they'd look at me in the coffin.

" Fudge! I'll just stab my self to death! " I loudly told myself but another thing came in my mind and told me that if I die, wag naman sa heart because i can donate it pa sa mga kawawang may kaylangan ng puso. THEN HOW WILL I KILL MYSELF?

" JESUS I CAN'T DO IT RIGHT!!! " I screamed in frustration as I looked up at the sky with the stars staring back at me. Then i continued to cry.

" Alam mo, magpapakamatay ka na nga. Mag iingay ka pa " I stopped when I heard a man's voice. Jesus is that you? Nakokonsensya ka na ba kaya tutulungan mo na ako?

" Nakaka rindi at nakaka irita. Can you just pleeassseee. Shut that mouth of yours then maybe kill yourself in the way you wanted " Pagpapatuloy niya at sa narinig ko kumulo ang dugo ko. Kapal ng mukha, magpapakamatay nako hindi manlang mag magandang loob para pigilan ako.

" Bakit ha?! Buhay mo ba? Kung gusto mo ng katahimikan lumipat ka sa ibang building! Hindi yung mag rereklamo kang maingay ako! " Sabi ko at tumayo para makita siya. But masyadong madilim, I can only see a silhouette of a tall man.

" Nasa rooftop ka but papatayin mo yung sarili mo with a knife? Seriously you amused me for a minute. Kanina ka pa frustrated diyan. Why don't you just jump tutal nasa taas ka naman. Miss may aning ka ba? " Sabi niya at napatigil na lang ako.

" Ayoko nga tumalon " sagot ko

" Why? "

" KASI TAKOT AKO SA MATATAAS NA LUGAR! " Pag sigaw ko. He asks too much. It annoys me. Akala mo naman kung close kami. Then he laughed like a total idiot.

" You're about to end your life pero iniisip mo padin yung takot mo. Seriously " he said between his laughter.

Seriously mister. Sayo ko gustong isaksak tong hawak Kong kutsilyo. I am not scared of him.

" I'm about to end my life too. Na distract lang ako sa kaingayan mo and decided to watch you die first pero grabe nakaka tawa ka. I never laughed this hard for like maybe months? Why don't we just end our lives by jumping together? Baka ikamatay mo pa jan yung sakit sa ulo sa kaka isip kung pano mo papatayin sarili mo. At least pag tumalon tayo may last experience ka sa buhay mo " He said and offered his hand.

" C'mon. It's not that bad " Huli naman na to. Bakit ako hihindi?

Nag lakad ako papalapit sakanya, he took my hand. Kaunti lang ang nakikita ko sakanya because my vision is blurred dahil sa nainom kong alak at sa kaka iyak. He's tall, maputi, matangos ang ilong. I bet he has a pretty face.

Inalalayan niya ako na tumaas sa parapet. The cold airbrushed my skin and I felt chills down my spine. I closed my eyes in fear when I saw the ground.

" Wag ka matakot " He said then stood at my back and leaned closer to me. I smelled a strong scent that made me feel warm and welcomed mixed with a hint of alcohol. Napaka nostalgic. Somehow, naka ramdam ako ng pag pigil sa gagawin ko. Nararamdaman ko yung init ng katawan niya at pag hinga niya. 

" Open your eyes. Look at the world below you. Are you certain, you want to leave these all behind? " He whispered and I felt his warm breath on my ear.

I opened my eyes and saw the city lights and the people who are busy and happy with their own lives. The children were playing on the ground that reminded me of my dream. My dream about helping people. I looked up at the sky to remove the thought.

" Are you ready? " He asked again and I replied him with a nod.

This is it.

Goodbye.

Then a violent sound of the door made me jump and both of us fell backwards. Ang sakit ng likod ko, And I can't help it napa aww nalang ako, but the sound came out different, kasi ang sakit talaga.

" HOY ANONG GINAGAWA NINYO DIYAN?! " Sigaw ng isang mamang tinutukan kami ng flashlight.

There I realized that both of us were in an awkward position. He was on top of me kaya pala sabi ko bakit ang bigat bigat ko. We were startled and stood up in a second covering our face.

" Naku! mga kabataan talaga hindi na marunong lumugar. Hijo at Hija! Madaming kwarto sa baba. Isang magandang Motel ito. Aba bakit hindi ninyo nalang doon gawin ang kalokohan ninyo? May bonus kami ngayon. Baka gusto ninyong subukan " He tsked and walked towards us. " Halina kayo sumama nalang kayo nang matawagan ko ang mga magulang ninyo. Sigurado akong hindi kayo naka check in ibig sabihin trespassing kayo. "

Nang marinig namin ang sinabi niya. Para kaming nagkaroon ng komunikasyon sa tingin at sabay kaming tumakbo pababa ng building at hinabol naman kami ng guard. He held my hand and used the fire exit. Nang makalabas kami pareho kaming tumakbo palayo at tumigil ako sa isang kanto then I realized that he's not with me.

Tumingin ako sa paligid ko ngunit walang bakas ng siya. Maybe nagkahiwalay kami ng tinakbuhan. I don't know. Nag tawag nako ng taxi and went home.It was a long long night.