Witherland

[20] On Nightmare and Ugliness

[20] ON NIGHTMARE AND UGLINESS

"I am only what I wish to be," he said. "And that is to become your worst nightmare, the one that shakes every string gravity pulls to keep you planted on the ground. I want to be the nightmare you want to wake up from, the one that jolts you awake and makes you feel there's a certain kind of difficulty in breathing, in trying to keep your head above a sea that never exists. There's ugliness in filling your lungs with air and letting go of it. You survive on something I can easily take away from you and it's ugly. It's ugly. You don't know how ugly it is to trust me that I won't burn the air to ashes and leave you in ruins. Your heart knows it, too. I can feel the way it pumps for a heart that I've long since tried to bury where you cannot find it. But you are the girl who can be blind and still find her way across an already dark room."

"I want to tell you that," he continued. "I want to tell you what I can't under the light. Because I might be your worst nightmare but I am more frightened than you will ever be. I am frightened to see you preferring to drown instead of staying alive and wanting to have it all easy, because I'm not--I'm... not any of those dreams that can keep you smiling until you decide not to. I'm not any of those dreams that can convince you that staying asleep is far more better than facing another day of living in this fucked up world. I'm not easy. I never am, but I want you to know that it's ugly. This--is ugly. But there's nothing wrong with it."