white oak

one - before

four years ago

I COULDN'T BARE to look up into his eyes.

I tried to ignore the tension that floated up to the ceiling, consuming the whole house so that it was suffocating, but still I stood there and didn't say a word. I mean what was there to say, 'oh after years of friendship i'm leaving for good' 

yeah sounds like a deal breaker to me. 

I shifted my weight to the other side of my leg as my hand ran itself through my hair, god this was awkward.

"It's possible isn't it?" his words were croaky but still audible, "It's possible to meet someone that's perfect for you even though you're committed to someone else."

I finally looked up, and I couldn't help but regret it. His eyes were red and puffy from the amount of crying he has been doing, and you could see the tears were still in his eyes but he refused to let them go, he refused to break.

 I shook my head and slightly looked down again, "No," I sniffled back a few tears I had myself, "I think that if you're committed to somebody then you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else" I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath before I looked back up at him.

"You're just telling me what I want to hear," he scoffed and looked away from me, the tears finally leaving his emerald eyes.

I shook my head again rolling my eyes and laughing, "you don't understand, Elias and I don't think you ever will" a small smile was placed over my lips as I sighed and picked up the few bags that were spread out along the ground.

Elias furrowed his eyebrows and I could only muster the courage to give him a small smile, "And that's why I have to leave, Eli. I can't be here anymore and it's not just because of you, it's everything. It's being here which makes me not what to do this anymore. My family, the people in this town its just too many memories that I don't want to remember every single day of my life." 

I sniffed and wiped the tears out from under my eyes, "I can't be in this small town anymore, Eli. I need to be in a big city where everything I see and everywhere I am won't remind me of you."

I heard a honk outside of the house and took that as my opportunity to leave, it was the perfect timing and I could finally get away. I took one last look at the broken boy that stood in front of me, I was the only one who he would let see while he was like this which only broke him more.

 But I couldn't be in a small town where I had to see my best friend who also happened to be the love of my life, be with someone else. I needed to get away to lose my feelings for him, it wasn't fair to either of us, and maybe one day I could come back and we would be okay.

"Goodbye, Elias."