Apple face

2. More than cousins

I lost my virginity when I was only eight years old. I had just moved to a new foster home after my previous foster parents had a new baby and decided they didn't want to be foster parents anymore. It was okay.  I didn't mind too much because my old foster parents were kind of mean and used to make me stand in the corner for hours on end. I was hoping my new foster parents would be really nice.

And at first they were. They let me watch tv and bought me a bunch of toys and took me to the park whenever I wanted. My foster mom was a nurse and my foster dad was a engineer. Sometimes my foster mom would work night shifts because it brought her more money and it would just be me and my foster dad for the night. Of course nothing happened in the first few weeks I got there. In my experience foster parents are only nice to you in the first few days. It's the honeymoon period, you know? Then after the novelty of a new kid wears off they kind of show their true selves.

Louise spoke easily and slowly, the weed making her words flow like water. But even with the help of some marijuana she still felt a twinge of sadness when she recalled how nice her foster parents had been in those first few days when she had arrived at the foster home.

Yeah at first I thought my foster mom was the only mean one. I remember when she first started hitting me. I had dropped a plate and as a punishment I had to pick up all the pieces with my bare hands. I cut my finger and whined and she just smacked me across the face. My foster dad didn't even do anything. He just watched. But after she left he pulled me into his arms and let me cry and told me it was alright. Well----

Louise sighed.

I don't wanna talk about my old foster homes anymore. It's boring to hear anyways. And it's making my head hurt just trying to remember. It all happened so long ago anyways.

"You don't have to talk about it Something so awful should never have happened to one as kind and delicate as you,"said Trevor. His voice sounded strange and tight He was watching her, his face expressionless and sad. "It must have left a scar on your soul that still hasn't healed."

At those word Louise started crying.

"I'm awful. I'm always making you cry,"mused Trevor as he pulled Louise into his arms where she continued to sob. "I'm sorry cousin. I promise I will make you happy from now on so that the memories of the past can never hold you down. I promise, okay?"

Somehow Louise knew Trevor would keep his promise or at least try. Which was a rare thing because most people always break their promises.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me and Trevor were alone in the house as everyone was out at school or work. I had been living here for two weeks now.  Me and Trevor were both in grade 12 but had resolved to skip the day so that we could chill and smoke weed. Until of course I had started wailing and telling him sob stories about my childhood.

"You wanna go get some ice cream or something?" he asked me after a moment of silence.

I shook my head.

"Aw why not?"

"I'm on a diet. I need to lose weight,"I told him. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I was all too aware of how muscled and lean his body was. I was disgusted with myself for my incestous thoughts. All I wanted him to do was to throw me on my back on his bed and make me scream as he pounded into me. He was the first person to ever listen to me and not make me feel ashamed. The first person to let me cry in his arms. How could I not love him? But I was starting to feel the wrong type of love for him. He was just too handsome.

"Bullshit, you're skinnier than a stick. You don't need to lose weight," he told me.

"Look at all this fat on my stomach, "I said, lifting my shirt a little to show him.

To my surprise he reached over and squeezed a piece of my stomach. I felt like a shock had been shot through me.  "What are you talking about? You don't have any fat. All you have is skin and bones." He moved his hand away and I realised I had been holding my breath.

Suddenly I knew I could no longer spend another second with him. If I did I knew I would say or do something I would surely forget.

I stood up abruptly. "I'm going to school now. I can still make it for the last period if I hurry."

His expression turned confused. "Why all of a sudden? I thought you just wanted to chill and do nothing all day."

"I know, but if I spend any more time with you I feel like I will fall in love or something, "I said quickly, just letting the words fly out. Ah crap! As soon as I said those words all I felt was regret. "Agh, fuck. Just forget I said anything."

"You're falling in love with me, huh?"he smiled at me. "When I'm already in love with you."

I gaped at him. "What?"

"I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. Of course I already liked you a bit from hearing all the stories your dad told me. I knew we would be good friends, but when I saw you I felt like thunder had struck my heart.  And I knew I could never consider you as only a friend or cousin."

"I-I."I could only stammer and I could feel my face going red. "But we're cousins."

"I know, but cousins get married all the time. Nothing's stopping us,"he smiled at me. "I love you, but if you don't want to be with me that way it's fine. I can wait a thousand years or until the next life even if that's what it will take for us to be together."

I didn't say anything. I just leaned across the space between us on the bed and kissed him. It was a quick peck and I was already pulling away from him when he pulled me back tight to him and kissed me back with so much passion my heart stopped. Without any more to do he leaned me over onto my back and everything was business from there.

From that day on we would always be more than cousins. We would be lovers, but as I had already learned from my parents young love didn't always last. And just because a beautiful thing was yours for the moment, it didn't mean it would always be yours.