Hamilton Oneshots because why not

You Are SO Cute ~Lams~

Greetings and salutations.

What even is my life anymore?

Oh you don't know?

Fine then.

Fml-

This is a modern AU -WOW, SO ORIGINAL- version of Lams, so brace your burnt chicken nugget selves, because it's gonna get hot and heavy because you're not ready for what's In The Heights- SOMEONE STAHP ME.

BTW, since I love italics and Italy so much, this will be written in italics.

I love my deceased homosexual male offspring-

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~John POV~

    "Mon ami, I simply do not understand, why are you so quiet?" Laf nudged me, and I jolted up, my head being in the clouds, which wasn't normal for 'that-guy-who-always-yells-showtime-at-the-bar'.

   "Just thinkin'" I shrugged. Herc laughed. (More like lafed. Haha, get it?-KILL ME NOW) "Since when do you think, John?" He commented jokingly, Laf snickering lightly, covering it with a cough. "Hey! Who are you to talk anyway, horse fucker?" I replied in defense.

    "In my defense, that was before Laffy Taffy. Now he's the only thing I'd fuck, I'll have you know." Herc crossed his arms, Laf blushing darkly. Herc's eyes widened and his face was so red, it put tomatoes to shame. And at that moment, Hercules Mullugan knew,...

    HE FUCKED UP.

    "So THAT'S why you two took so long! I knew it!" I laughed, pushing open the doors to the bar.

    Tonight was the night I'd finally finish that third Sam Adams.

    "It's better than being forever alone, mon ami." Laf said. I scoffed. "I'm not forever alone! There's Martha-" "She dumped you when she found out you were going bi, bud." Herc shook his head. "Oh and then she wanted to get back with you when she found out you weren't gonna go bi anymore." Laf pointed out. "Only then for her to stop talking to you all together when finding out you were going completely gay." Herc said. "Look, I'm not throwing away my shot at this (STAHP ME) What happened with Martha was unfortunate, sure, but I will find love." I said, determination stringing my voice.

    Laf stopped me, going in front of me and putting both hands on my shoulders. " Mon ami, je crois que vous pouvez trouver un petit ami étonnant qui sera aussi parfait pour vous que mon Herc est pour moi. You can, and you will, because you're amazing. Now go, my child... No, seriously, leave. Now." (Momayette) I nodded, running off to... I don't know, I just ran, finding myself parked at a seat at the bar counter.

(Lafayette Translate:My friend, I believe that you can find an amazing boyfriend that will be as perfect for you as my Herc is for me.)

    I tapped my fingers on the countertop, waiting for a waiter to come over. "May I take your order?" A voice asked. I looked up and I could've sworn I was staring right into the eyes of those of an angel. He had oily black hair pulled into a ponytail like I have mine, dark gray eyes, and a light  peach fuzz that went around his mouth that complimented his look overall.(Y'all know how Alex looks, why am I even describing it?) "Uh, sir? Are you okay?" He asked, shaking me back into reality for the second time tonight.

    "S-sorry" I stammered, he chuckled. "It's alright. I find it quite complimenting to see someone staring at me." He winked and now it was my turn to shame tomatoes. "What would you like to order?" I had to fight everything within me to not say 'You in my bed tonight.'. "I pint of Sam Adams, and if you find staring so complimenting how about I stare at you again?" I replied, him snickering. "I'd like that. I'll be right there with your drink." And he left, even though I wish he hadn't.

    I was eternally screaming in my head just like the readers of this fanfiction.

    He soon came back with a small cup filled a quarter full with my drink. "Just a heads up, it's strong." He handed it to me and I nodded downing it all in 1- no, two gulps. I huffed, wiping my mouth with my wrist. I noticed him leaning over the counter with his head cupped in his hand, staring at me, an odd look in his eyes. "Excuse me?" I asked, him tensing, his cheeks and ears reddening lightly. "I'm truly sorry, but; What did you say?" He asked feverishly. I chuckled. "Nothing." I shook my head, putting my cup down. "But, can I get another?...Please?" I asked and he raised an eyebrow, "You sure you could take it?" He asked, taking my cup. "Not really." I said honestly. "If you say so, cutie." He said, walking back away. I felt my face heat up more than already, praying that this man was not straight.

    "Ah, mon ami!" I heard Laf yell, wrapping an arm around me. "Have you found Mr. 'It' yet?" (No, he hasn't found Pennywise.) "Not sure." "That's better than no!" Hercy Jerky! John has found  love!" As he ran off I saw the hottie with my drink in front of me. "That your friend?" He asked. "Yeah... Did you hear anything he said?" He scoffed, snickering. "Not at all, John." He grinned cheekily. I loved how he said my name. "Alright, I get it," I looked at his nametag "Alexander." He chuckled lightly, setting my drink down in front of me. I took a swig of the drink, already feeling woozy. Yet, I still finished it.

    I put it down, breathing heavily. "Woah there John, careful." He said, concerned. "I-I'm fine. Just a l-little wobbly." I stammered. "C-can I get another?" "Are you one hundred percent sure, sir? I don't know if you could take it."  (No. The only dude you can call sir is Aaron Burr.) I nodded feverishly. "I-I'm sure, I'm sure." Alexander sighed, taking my cup. "This is your last one. Can't plague your friends with talking a drunk little cutie home." He said jokingly.

    It took a while before Alexander came back. He set the cup down in front of me. Before I could reach for it, he grabbed my hand, yanking me forward (NOT FORCEFULLY NOR ABUSIVELY) and kissing me passionately. I felt my cheeks heat up as he pulled away. He snickered upon seeing my red coated, (Get it?)dumbstruck expression. "Sorry. I just wanted to give to something to remember me one you're sober again. I know how easy it is to get drunk on Sam Adams." (And I know how easy it is to get drunk over Thomas Jefferson) He let go of my hand and left to take another order, winking at me. I looked down at my hand and there was a piece of paper with a phone number on it. I felt a smile creep up onto my face.

"I actually can't believe it." Herc said from besides me. "Tais-toi Herc, il est content qu'il ait trouvé l'amour. Laisse le jeune tortue tranquille." Laf scolded him from my other side, trying so very hard not to fanboy. "You know very well I don't know what that means."

(Lafayette Translation: Shut up Herc, he's happy that he has found love. Leave the young turtle boy alone.)

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I fucking HAD to call Laurens Turtle boi at least one time in this fanfic. I couldn't help it.

kms.

Anyways, I take requests and stuff, and I know it sucked. It was the first oneshot I've ever written and it was pretty long. 12 terrible words that I somehow call a scrap fanfiction.

As said, I will take requests, AND can do smut. Not that I will, just that I can, depending. The next chapter probably just gonna be Mulette tho jfc-

If you ask for an X reader I'll probably look at you weirdly, but then just go with it and do it anyways.

GIMME ALL THE CARAMEL IN YOUR FRIDGE

                                                                        -Sincerely(Me) Yours,

                                                                                                    That weird girl who thinks she's dark and cool but really isn't.