demolition lovers. gerard way

wasteland

toxic. everywhere. the toxic chemicals that i happily inhaled into my lungs, the toxic fumes that escaped into the air from the factories a few miles away, and the toxic people that inhabited the city streets every hour of the day and night. and on the 7th floor apartment that i lived in now, I watched and felt all of this.

as my cigarette and my lungs eventually had worn them self out for tonight i began unpacking again. 2am was what the clock read but i wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight; moving for the fourth time should be easy by now, but trust me, it never is.

I had finished putting all of my clothes into the closet and dresser when I got to the last box, which contained every most valuable item that i managed to keep over time. i took my time taking things out and looking at them, and also recalling all of the memories that went along with each item. the most important, and most secretive item i owned was my folder of poems and song lyrics. i labeled the folder 'old school work' incase my mother found it. i sighed; when will these secrets ever stop? i wished sometimes if i could just let everyone know, the world know, about the secrets hidden within me and my mother and father, but without any consequences. it's just that sometimes the weight of it all seems to carry me down with it, it's hard to keep upright.

after i was finished with the boxes and made my bed, i laid down on the end of it and looked out of the window again. it seems like nothing ever changed here but yet it did all the time, every minute of every day. it feels like when you're out of school for summer and then you all come back and it seems like everyone's changed and maybe matured but they really didn't, they just found a new outlook on things i guess.

i put in my earbuds and opened the window; breathing in the cold winter breeze as i swayed to the slow rhythm of my music. in this moment i couldn't ask for anything more than just this. in this moment i felt nothing more than pure bliss. my father used to say that it was amazing how i could find peace in even the worst circumstances and make others feel it too, he said that it was my gift. i remember he was brushing my hair that night when he told me that for the first time, and how i had turned to face him to smile so brightly at him and how he smiled back just as bright. i breathed deeply, suddenly coughing harder than i should have from just breathing. i thought about having another smoke for the night but decided against it for him, knowing he wouldn't be proud seeing me like this, and instead closed the window and laid back, soon falling asleep with the memories of father in my mind and the sun coming over the horizon.

*

i woke up to the smell of burnt bacon and beer. i'm supposing, just like me, she couldn't sleep, not surprising.

i quickly took a shower and got out of the same clothes I've been wearing for 3 days over the trip, and for once got to get a full look at myself in the mirror. my obvious dark circles, and pale skin. with a plain black jacket thrown over my galaxy t-shirt that was tucked into my high wasted black ripped jeans, as well as my worn out grey converse. i ran a hand through my thick black hair. i didn't care much how i looked, i was just stressed about actually having been forced to move again and go to yet another new school in the middle of the school year. i couldn't stand the stress she seemed to love placing upon me.

a loud knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and scared me half to death. "yes?" i called out to her.

"it's 7:30, if you don't get out there now you'll be late!" and of course we wouldn't want that now would we?

"alright!" i exhaled loudly as i looked around the room, not wanting to move an inch though i knew i had to. i got my bookbag and rushed out the door, grabbing a cup of coffee from the table, and yelling a 'goodbye' on my way out, not waiting for an answer, i left. i wasn't sure what kind of day this would be but i hoped, above anything, that it would go as fast as possible.