Kat's Journal

Whoops!-Did I Do That?

     So a lot has happened since my last update. Which is the reason why I haven't been updating anything lately. My peers hated me because I actually followed the rules, I did everything my teachers asked, and I was a pushover. I didn't like the way I was and of course, Brenden was very supportive of me and what I did, like a good boyfriend should. I was called names. Names that I don't want to repeat because I'm trying to move past this. Mysterious right? Well, in May of 2017, my birthday came around and I was promoted for my JROTC class. It was overall a pretty good day. I also had made a bad joke at a kid who was overweight. His name is Deonte. Now Denote and I are pretty close. We joke all the time. He threw something at my friend Jake and Jake asked him to pick it up. My response, "Man, he probably couldn't even pick it up. He'd be out of breath"
     Cruel I know. I'm not that kind of person. However, that joke hit him hard. A girl in his grade named Madison, stood up for him. Kudos for her. Madison is also in the same boat Deonte is. Both are overweight. She took it personal. Deonte seemed like he took it as a joke but he didn't and I hadn't realized that. Later that night, I tried to apologize to her and she just kept bashing me down. Wouldn't hear what I was saying. And granted, I didn't deserved to be heard after what I said. But I finally fell down that rabbit hole. There was no escape. The next day, I went home early because I had a massive headache from my concussion I had gotten a few days prior. So when I got home, everything, and I mean everything came running into my head. It wouldn't stop.
     "Go kill your self, you're a horrible person. No one wants you anymore. You're nothing. You hurt a friend. You lost one of your best friends. You're worthless. Meaningless. Rude. Cruel."
     So I found my mom's medicine cabinet and found her old bottle of Hydrocodone. There were about 30 of them in the bottle and I decided to take them. I walked back to my room and laid in my bed. Tried to sleep. Well I woke up to vomit. Yeah, vomit. My body rejected it and make me vomit. My mother came home about an hour and a half later to find me, still vomiting. And I'm glad that I did leave the pill bottle on the counter because she would have never known about me taking the pills. I would probably have died if I had thrown away the bottle. And at that time, is what I wanted. But as I look back on it now, I'm glad I didn't. I tried to use a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
     So I was rushed to the hospital, and of course my mother is yelling at me. I was always a happy kid and my mom was scared. And long story short, I'm still here. I sustained no liver damage. And my body is healthy. I've been in therapy and things are different now. It helped me mold myself into who I am today. I used the mistake and it made me stronger.

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AUTHORS NOTE:
     Just throwing a disclaimer out there: this is not for pity! This is a sorry of my life and this is a crucial piece of it! I'm glad to share my story will all of you. If this could help someone who suffers from depression then I would do it a hundred times. Thank you all so much for following this journal.
-Kat