Privilege

Chapter 22

Next morning when Niall and Jordan are supposed to be at the morning service, they’re sneaking into one of the girls’ dormitory, through the empty hall, up to the fourth floor and directly into Stacy’s and her roommates’ room. After finding that picture, Niall knew he had to do somethingsoon before it was too late, because the message of the picture is obvious enough, it’s screaming a you’re next on the top of its voice. The only reason he got any sleep was because he got Zayn to stay over again. (Niall smiles at the memory of Zayn holding him close and tight, his fingertips brushing against Niall's arm and soft lips pressing small, affectionate kisses against Niall's skin).

Niall isn’t sure what he’ll find in Stacy’s room as he grabs the door handle, glances at Jordan who gives him a small nod, before swinging it open. Stacy and her roommate's room are about thrice the size of his own, and they have made it cozy by draping colorful scarves across the ceiling to hide the ugly stucco. The walls are papered with full-size posters, magazine tear sheets, and framed photographs; not an inch of graying white paint peeks through anywhere. Their beds, pushed against opposite walls, are littered with throw pillows, and their desks stands back-to-back in front of the window so that they can both see out when they are studying. And so that they can't see each other and get distracted. Not a bad little system. Niall will have to remember that if he ever has a roommate again.

Okay. What is he doing? This is not an episode of Pimp My Dorm. They are here for information.

“Okay, we don’t have much time, let’s get to it,” Niall says as he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the task ahed and next to him Jordan gives a firm nod though the serious expression on his face is quickly swept away by an excited grin - Niall rolls his eyes, this boy enjoys breaking into rooms a little too much, he thinks as he glances around. They identify Stacy's side of the room by a square frame holding a photo of her and what seems to be a younger sister, smiling and hugging.

Jordan begins to quickly sift through a short stack of papers next to her computer. And Niall gets to work on the dresser. He yanks open the first drawer of her desk. Nothing but pens, pencils, pads, and printer ink. The second drawer are all old notebooks, which he pages through quickly, finding nothing interesting other than a couple of doodled hearts with Stacy's and a guy named “George” names in them - Niall wonders which one of the countless boys she'd been parading around of it, this George guy is - he moves on to the bottom drawer - at what meets him, his breath hitches, heart beat escalating. He takes in a shaky breath and with quivering, clammy fingers, he reaches for the small, painfully familiarbracelet. With shaking fingers, he holds it up before him and inspects it; it’s a leather-brown multistrap bracelet with an adjustable cord.

Josh's bracelet

And just like that, Niall finds himself trapped in an onslaught of memories of Josh - Josh mindlessly playing with the bracelet as he laughs carefreely at something ridiculous one of the boys did - Josh gazing at Niall, utter adoration and love in his eyes - Josh hugging Niall tight to him whispering in Niall's ear how much he means to him - Josh feeding Niall small pieces of chocolates - Josh pouting because Niall is going to be away in New York for a whole weekend - Niall doesn't realize that silent tears are dropping from his eyes, warm as they trail down his cheek. Niall feels the grief and the loss, the dull pain in his chest turning sharp until he can barely breathe. Josh, Niall wishes he'd given Josh what he deserved.

"Uhm, Niall?" Jordan calls, snapping Niall out of his memories and Niall takes a sharp intake of air, scrabbling to dry away the tears and get himself together. He looks toward Jordan with wide, puffy eyes and Jordan frowns worried at him, "You're gonna want to see this," he mutters as he points at something above Stacy's bed.

Niall's fingers tightenes around Josh's bracelet as he gets to his feet and walks over to Jordan to get a better look. When he sees it, his heart takes another unhealthly leap, a small gasp falling over his lips.