Random oneshots.

Cold

Unboxing THE FUTURE?!

That was the name of the livestream Jack was doing, where he was the first person, in the entire earth! To unbox google's newest innovation... whatever it was. Apparently it required a special outlet to be installed in your house, and the box it was shipped in stood a little taller than the brown-haired man. Google had been very secretive, even to their first beta-tester/kinda-advertiser so he wouldn't leak out any info before he showed their product off fully.

"Wappish!! ...TOP O DA MORNIN' TA YA LADDIES MY NAME'S JACKSEPTICEYE!!! An' it's great ta see ye guys again fer a livestream! Now... oh? What's th' future? Well, it's... ... ...uuRGH! hah, this!" Jack had gone off-screen to drag over a large cobalt-blue box, substantially heavy, with a big, white, 'G' on the front of it. "What is it? I've no idea, google wouldn't foukin' tell me. But, we're 'bout ta find out! ... gotta get all this, foukin', plastic... there we go! Off th' box!" The face of the box was one entire flap, so, once he found the seam on the side of the box, Jack opened it, making sure the box was still stable.

"... woah."

"'ey Mark, ye watching' this? It looks exactly like ya!!" Jack turned to the camera, stepping out of the way so his subscribers could see the new robot. It did indeed looked like Mark, black hair, high cheekbones, long face, muscular build... Jack chuckled as he read a question on the live chat. "Is it Mark? Nah, this fella isn' Mark, it doesn' even 've pores." Jack looked back at the robot, taking another layer of plastic off before pressing it's 'G' button.

"click!"

It's eyes opened. Light blue, glowing irises, staring back at Jack. "Hello, I'm Google-bot. Your new device for answering inquiries and questions." It stepped out of the box, putting up a hand to greet Jack. They shook hands. The robot had a comfortable grip on Jack's hand, firm, but not strong enough to cause any pain. Jack shivered, it almost sounded exactly like Mark too. Did Mark record audio for Google?

"H-heh, hello there." Jack let out a small sigh as Google released its grip on his hand and put on a smile. Man it's almost like Mark's standin' right in front of me... Jack turned back towards his camera.

"Mark ya really gotta tell me sometime what ya did ta get google ta make a robot of ya! Anyway, let's see what this robot can do! ...Google, define... cake!" The robot tilted its head slightly to the side and spoke, a screen showing on its chest, glowing through the shirt like the 'G' button previously had.

"Cake. Noun. One. An item of soft, sweet food made from a mixture of flour, shortening, eggs, sugar, and other ingredients, baked and often decorated. 'a carrot cake'. Verb. One. Of a thick or sticky substance that hardens when dry, cover and become encrusted on, the surface of an object. 'a pair of boots caked in mud'. Synonyms: coat, encrust, plaster, cover. 'boots caked with mud'."

Jack tested out some of Google's other features and generally showed it off to the camera.

"Annd I think it's 'bout time ta end th' livestream... Yeah, I know it's sad." Jack chuckled. "See ya guys in th' next video. ...Bye!" Jack waved goodbye to everyone as he ended the livestream, spending the rest of the day as usual, with Google plugged in to the wall.

Right before he was about to fall asleep, he thought he saw something near his bed.

A formal complaint to google about its latest device

That was the title of the video Jack did the next day, stating, in formal terms, the problems he's experienced and how Google wasn't complying to the laws of robotics.

The Septiplier crazy programmer at google was found out in a court trial and sent to prison for her crimes.