: From Thoughts To Tears. :

:Concert:

:my first concert was last night. (nov. 7, 2017) best night of my life:

The lights flashed.

The crowd screamed.

And I was having the best night of my life.

My dad had gotten me tickets for my birthday, for my favourite band, Imagine Dragons, and I had been living for this day. Literally. My best friend and her dad were with me, (who I love like family), jamming out in the front while my dad and I danced up on the stands.

Oh, and how we danced...

I'm not much of a dancer, I've got social anxiety real bad, and so I tend to avoid crowded places with a bunch of moving bodies screaming at the top of their lungs, but this concert was different. It was like a part of me I didn't even know I had was awakened. I was all over the place, screaming every lyric and whipping my hair back and forth to the beat, my arms in the air swaying to the heartbeat of the crowd, that seemed to pound with each and every word that Dan Reynold screamed atop the stage. The guitars sang with an electric fire as my guitar idols Wayne Sermon and Ben McKee stomped to each chord they crushed on their instruments, the bass and lead melting beautifully together as the sound echoed across the stadium in a beautiful cacophony of pure musical talent.

For the first time in a very long time, I was happy. No depression. No anxiety. No hopelessness. Just happy. Here in a sea of strangers, with music blaring from the biggest speakers I had ever seen, people screaming and lights flashing and lost in all this, there was I, having the time of my life with my dad, who I love so dearly, and just being happy. I was in the middle of some crappy things in my life, things that had just made life absolutely suck, but being here, in this moment, right now, I let go of my Yesterday, I said that I'd Make It Up To You, and that I'm never changing who I am. I'm a Believer, I confessed to having my Demons, and that I'm So Sorry. Every word got to me, and I'm standing there, my heart pounding, my arms pumping, and tears running down my cheeks. Not sad tears, but tears of pure joy.

When Dan spoke about depression between songs, talking about how you're never alone, that he knows, my heart went out out to that whole crowd, me feeling so blessed to be in the company of so many people, so many backrounds, with similarities and differences, all together for a night of good music and good people. We live in such a tragic world, a world where it's hard for someone to feel loved or safe anymore. But having someone say in front of a crowd of thousands of people, talking about their experiences with depression and anxiety and feeling like crap for a long time, just really freaking got to me.

It was 1am when I got home, exhausted and dizzy, but I still had that big "perma-smile" (as my dad called it) on my face. The house was quiet as I waved and I watched my dad drive off back to his apartment, the only sound was the muffled motor of his sedan and my cat's tired mews of half-hearted greeting. After changing into some pajamas and a quick brushing my teeth, I collapsed in bed, still smiling, and dozed off to sleep.

And I'm sure I was still smiling then.