bones • l . h + a . i

01

ashton opened his eyes and, fuck

everything hurt, wow, it hurt so bad

aches centred in his bones and radiated outwards. his entire being felt so incredibly lethargic and weighed down.

if this is what living is like, ashton thought, its no wonder i want to be dead

he knew that he had to move, his flatmate michael would have come home drunk at three this morning so ashton would wake him up with a glass of water and some paracetamol but all his mind was craving was food

a piece of soft, heavenly cake with frosting that melts in his mouth, flavours rolling around his mouth

or a slice of pizza with cheese that stretched out from his lips whenever he took a bite

maybe a plate of pancakes, drizzled in maple syrup, sweet heaven popping on his taste buds

ashton forced himself into a standing position, ignoring the nausea that swept over him and paced the room

he had to stop thinking about food

food is all he could ever think about

he could feel the urge to binge rising

fingers tapped against thighs as he tried to clear his mind

he couldn't let himself binge

not again, his body couldn't take the punishment that would follow

only fat people binge, if you do that just shows how fat you are, how weak you are

it would taste so good, so satisfying

do it then, dare you, see if i care. you're already fat

ashton let out a whimper and pulled at his hair

he couldn't do it

there was only one other way to stop the urges

before he knew it, ashton had plucked the packet and lighter from his bedside draw and headed for the back door