Remember me?

Chapter 4

Matthew Knowles: Beloved father, husband and friend

January 9, 1951 - March 10, 2015

I was looking at my father's grave all alone in that cemitery. After my sister and my mom told me about him, I came straight up to where he was buried, I wanted to be alone, because well... I just did. I forgot to bring him flowers and I felt bad for it, so I started crying. I lost my dad and I don't remember how, I don't even know if we were in peace before he left you know? Cuz we were always fighting.

Why couldn't I remember? This was killing me! I could remember my dad, I couldn't remember Jay and I couldn't remember that guy Rick... No matter how hard I tried. But suddenly I had this really bad headache which freaked me out, I remembered what the doctor said. But after I stopped pushing myself it went away.

Suddenly I felt like I wasn't alone, I looked around and I saw a man coming in my direction, it was Jay, he was carrying flowers on his hands, white roses.

'What are you doing here?' I asked him, he barely even asnwered, he was surprised I was there. I looked at my father's grave again and started crying. 'Are you foll.... Did you know I was here?'

'Not at all' He said surprised, he was still holding the flower like an idiot 'I didn't know...'

'Then what are you doing here?'

'Erm... I... I bring him flowers every week' I was shocked, I couldn't even answer at first

'But why?'

'I... Think it's nice...You never came... Did you just, find out?' I looked down and nodded

'I never came? I was never here before?'

'Nope, I guess it was painful for you'

'It's painful now... It doens't explain why I never visited my dad and you did. I mean you come here every week.'

'Yeah...' He placed the flower on the grave awkwardly 'Well I should go' He said almost leaving

'Wait!'

'Bey I'm not gonna tell you...'

'It's not that, it's just... I want to stay for a while, I don't want to be alone.' He looked at me, rolled his eyes and sat down next to me. We didn't speak for a while, but our hands were almost touching.

I don't know it feels weird, but it feels like I'm falling in love with him all over again. Suddenly I felt him looking at me and when I looked at him, he turned his face to the other side quickly, I felt my cheeks burn.

'Jay...' I said in a seductive tone that he knew very well

'Bey no, ok? This is weird, I gotta go' He got up and so did I 'Look I can't do this' 

'You have no idea how it feels to not remember Jay' I said crying

'Somethings are better off if you don't remember...' He said leaving

'But... UGH!' This was irritating me so much, I payed my last respects for my father and then I left with my car.

I arrived home and I was greeted with Blue and Matt coming my way, one wanted to go play, the other wanted candy. Nad they filled me with questions and screaming around and instead of feeling irritated I just laughed and kissed each of of them on the forehead.

'Bey?' Another voice came from inside the house. A gorgeous man showed, he was black but had blue eyes, I was shocked to see how handsome he was. Then after a whle I recognize it was the guy from the hospital: Rick.

'Hey... What are you doing here?'

'Yeah, what are you doing here?' Matt said porvating him

'Matthew!' I called his attention cuz he was rude. He ran to get some of his toys but Blue stayed

'Blue, can I maybe talk to your mother a litle bit, in private?' Rick said kneeing down before Blue

'Nope'

'Please?' He asked again, and then he smiled, which was a stunning smile. Damn!

'Blue, go on honey... I promise we can get pizza later'

'Ok...' She said kissing me on the cheek leaving us with her arms crossed, she wasn't convinced

'So....'

'Yeah, come sit down' He showed to me my couch

'You know that is my house right?'

'Yeah, sorry... Listen' He said after we sat down 'You really don't remember me?'

'No, sorry' I said after a deep breath

'Well ok... I've talked to your doctor and he said that you'd maybe remember if I helped you'

'Like how?'

'Well, if we go to places we went on dates, if you smelled the perfume I gave you, if you saw the gifts I bought you and if you felt how much I loved and love you' After he said that I couldn't help but notice how desperate he was, I eman I can only understand, he just lost his girlfriend and all...

'Erm.. I don't know...'

'Please, just let me try'

'What do you want to do?'

'I wanna take you out, maybe you will remember'

'Right....I'm just doing this cuz I also want to remember and hope is the last one to die. But listen i'm really sorry, this must be hard for you'

'It's, but I'm hoping to get you back! Not even if I have to make you fall in love with me again'

'NOOO MOMMY NOOO!' Matthew came screaming through the living room

'MATTHEW! What the....?'

'No, mommy, not him, I don't like him!'

'Matthew you are being rude!'

'But mommy....'

'It's ok' Rick said

'No it's not ok! Apologize and go now!' I said angry. He mumbled the word sorry and left to his room. 'I'm so sorry...'

'Don't worry about it'

'Why doesn't he like you?'

'Well, I'm guessing it was shocking for him tos ee his father away and me here, he didn't want me, he wanted his father.'

'Yeah well... Jay didn't come visit them?'

'He comes every week, but still, it's not enough. As a boy growing up, they need their father. I understand. Boys are also very jealous of their mothers'

'Are they now?' I said laughing 'Well he's my little man, so...'

'Yeah' He said laughing 'Well, so when can I take you out?'

'Erm... I don't know... It wouldn't be a date ok?'

'Alright... Can it be on Friday, say 6Pm?'

'Erm... I guess'

'Ok, I'll see you then.' He said giving me a kiss on the cheek, very close to my mouth, and then he left.

I have to say he left me a little weak. But he could never take Jay off my mind, I don't believe he ever did. So right now, it was just me and my children.

'Who wants pizza?' I screamed through the house, two little boucing kids came to me screaming and celebrating that they were gonna have a pizza night with their mom.

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