Hurting; D.V

28.

I wasn't the park on the swings waiting for Daniel to come. I've been here for 5 minutes and kids were asking me to help them swing on the swings, and obviously I couldn't say no. I may act like a tough girl and everything but when it comes to children, I have a soft spot. They're so cute and innocent.

Anyways the kid that I was swinging left and Daniel came.
"Hey babe" Daniel said about to hug me but I backed up before he could.
"What's wrong?" He asked me as he gave me a confused yet concerned look. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"Did you sleep with other girls" I asked him bluntly. Daniel started to rub the back of his neck and look around. That's when I knew it was a fact that he did sleep with others.
"Yes but I don't do it anymore" Daniel said.
"But You still did it" I said.
"Yes, that's why Jocelyn's bothering you, because she's the only one I haven't done it with" I was shocked.
"So you did it with almost every girl in school?" I asked backing up.
"Yes" Daniel said looking down.
"That's What I wanted to hear" I turned around and walked away. He grabbed me arm and yanked me back.
"It's the past Valentina, I did it in the past, I'm with you now" He reassured me but it still wasn't enough.
"I can't be with you knowing you've been with every girl out there and still having girls chase after you to do it with!" I yelled at him as a tear ran down my face. His face soften and he tried to wipe it away with his thumb but I backed away.
"I can't do this" I said more to myself than to him. I backed up and I stared to walk away, but he didn't chase after me.

I got back to the house and ran into my room. I cried my eyes out. He's been with every single one of the girls at school, do you know how crazy that sounds!

It felt like someone just ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

I know what you guys are thinking, he did it in the past, the past is the past and everything but the thing is that I don't know if he's gonna get bored with me and go with another girl. He's probably just using me for his own pleasures and needs.

It got me thinking though, does he really like me. Was everything a whole lie. Did all the fun and amazing moments we had was just nothing to him. That really hurts to think about. To think about the one person that you liked didn't or probably doesn't like you back.

Did he even like me back as a friend or was that just part of his whole plan to get in my pants. Ugh he's such a douche.

I started to overthink like I always do when I'm a situation like this, or similar. Then that led me to think, was I even good enough for him. Then that led to looking at myself, or more my insecurities in the mirror. My hair is too thick, my eyes and how they droop down, my stomach and how I don't have abs or a flat stomach.

I've hated those specific things since I was 12 years old. I hated them so much that I would legit think about getting plastic surgery when I'm old enough, but I pushed away that thought because I also hate surgeries.

"You okay in there?" Shari asked, she was the only one in the house.
"No" I said as I started to sob again. Shari opened the door, ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug ever.