SAY NO | JJK

⠀| ʀɪɴɢ

~

⠀⠀he had been haunted by the thought of her name for two whole weeks now, ever since she came back to this dry and insipid town. nina dwelled inside his every thought, so much that every time he spared a glance at his fiancée now, he'd feel some sort of coldness and vacancy inside his heart.

the feeling he'd get from looking at his betrothed was not (and it took him this long to realize) the same as what he felt when he looked at nina.

however, he stopped himself from showing any signs of unease by planting on a fake smile and acting as though nothing—not even nina's return—had changed him.

when he would zone out to ponder over the various instances in which nina stirred his very own soul, and when his friends would catch and question him about it, he'd simply use his busy work life as an excuse. his friends didn't know about nina, nor about jungkook's previous relationship with her, and their lack of knowledge eased his nerves.

he and his group of friends were currently gathered at their local pub, despite it being past midnight, playing pool and carelessly downing clear shots of soju as if it was their only source of survival.

"hey, kookie. what's wrong?" taehyung patted his shoulder when he noticed his best friend's displeased frown.

"huh? no, nothing. just feeling a little hazy, s'all," he murmured, raising his empty can to signal his intoxication.

but it was a lie.

he felt weary because nina's name kept circling his already troubled mind. the alcohol simply added on to the misery.

the last time jungkook saw her was last week, when he passed by her sobbing figure on the street. she didn't notice him from the huddle of boys that crossed her, but he definitely did.

he wondered why she had been crying.

it wasn't a nice sight, witnessing her break right there in public. it made him want to cry along with her. it made him want to cuddle her up in his arms and remind her that he still loved her and that, despite having claimed the contrary on the first night of her arrival, he was not over her.

"you're lying. you look like someone who just watched one of those animal cruelty videos. i know you're upset. what's wrong?"

"everything is fine, hyung," jungkook smiled in reassurance, taking a sip of hoseok's abandoned beer and resting his cheek on the palm of his hand.

"are you getting cold feet? it's common, you know? but it's better that it happens now rather than an hour before the wedding," taehyung grinned sympathetically, and jungkook chuckled at his words.

"no, no. it's not that. i still love her," jungkook exclaimed, mostly to remind himself.

it was true. he loved bianca. he really did. but nina made him question his very own being without even intending to. there was this preternatural bond between them that he, unfortunately, could not identify in his relationship with bianca.

it made him think—for just a split second—that perhaps he always loved nina more, and that the internal agony he's been struggling to move on from was due to his constant denial of this truth.