See You Again (On Hold)

In which she regrets the past:

(1 and a half years later)

"I had the same dream again" I stated plainly towards Meridith.

"Is that so?" She questioned almost sarcastically not looking up from her note book.

"Ye" I replied looking around from my spot on the old, worn-out grey couch that sat in the middle of her office.

I took in the beige coloured walls that ultimately made the room seem smaller.

On the wall behind her sat her PHD and a bunch of other certificates.

"What happened this time?" She asked,finally looking up.

"What always happens," I shrugged back into the sofa.

"I'm walking down the isle towards him and everything seems so perfect..." I finished

"Could you having these dreams possibly mean that you regret leaving him half a month before your wedding?"

"I've told you a million times Meredith, I don't regret leaving him. If anything, I regret not leaving him any sooner than I had"

She let out a stifle, "If you say so"

"I'm serious. We were holding each other back.I did us both a favour by ending it"

"Are you sure of that?" She quirked a brow.

"Yes,definitely" I confirmed.

"Okay then,I just have one question-"

"What is it?" I urged

"If your so sure of what you want and your happy with your life now, then why do you keep showing up for our sessions?"

Yes,that had been the question I had been asking myself aswell for the past month or two.

Why did I keep coming to these things?naturally I wasn't a person who believed in things like therapy. If anything I was more the type who believed in self healing.But, when it came to leaving Christian, I just couldn't handle. It was far to hard for me. After all,I did love him,and that was something I couldn't deny myself of.

"I-well...it's-"I stuttered, "Isn't our session supposed to be over by now?" I asked avoiding her question and looking at the clock perched on the wall to my right.
"Your not going to answer my question?" She asked smirking at me and not even bothering to check the time.

"Well thats because I don't have an answer to your question Meredith!" I snapped.

"Well there must be some reason you keep coming" she urged looking at me from beneath her rectangular shaped spectacles.

"I thought it was quite obvious why I kept coming?" I asked

"No,not particularly.Perhaps you could be more descriptive in your answer"she said glancing back down at her book that sat in her lap.

"I keep coming because I keep having the same recurring dream" I confirmed beggining to grow slightly agitated by her incompetence.

"I see," she began, "I've already told you why I think your having the dream over and again.So why dont you tell me why you think you keep having them?"she subjected.

"Well,If you must know... I think its because-" I stopped.I stopped because I didn't know what to say.She basically had me cornered in my own thoughts.

Then it dawned on me,Merideth was right.

I was beginning to regret it,I was beginning to regret leaving him.But,why?I was so sure I wanted it.So sure I was doing the right thing,but now it seemed as if I had made the biggest mistake by letting him go.

"So I was right then-" spoke Merideth,     "you do regret it" she confirmed her own theory.

In that moment I had realised that indeed,I had voiced my thoughts out loud.

"Huh,I guess so.You were right" I said in disbelief.

"I always am" she winked and began to write down in her book.

Probably something along the lines of, 'Patient has come to realisation that she regrets leaving her fiancé... ' blah blah blah.

"So what should I do?"

"Well,the only advice I can give you is to get back in touch with him.Whatever it takes.Find out how he's doing,because by the way it sounds Adelaide,it's as if you have unsettled nerves.Maybe you should give him a call?" she sat back into her leather chair,closed her notebook and sat it on the table beside her.

"Phone him?" I asked in shock.

"Mmm," she nodded, "you do still have his number,yes?"

"I-I-" I stuttered, "of course I do.I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it"

She smiled, "of course not"

What was that suppost to mean? 'Of course not' ? What did she mean by that? Was she implying that I was still hung up on him but to afraid to admit it to even myself?

Being a therapist, wasn't she suppost to think that it was unhealthy for me to still have my ex's number after we had such an unruly break up?

"But what if he doesn't pick up?" I asked her disregarding my previous thoughts.

"Well then we can only hope he does"

I nodded, "but what if he does pick up?then what do I say?"

"Whatever your heart tells you" she continued to smile

"That's the thing,I don't know what its telling me.Its pretty confused"

"Then tell him that. Tell him that you're confused, starting to have second thoughts.Tell him what you've told me" she concieded.

"I can't just say that! What if he's in a relationship with someone else?"

"Like I said ,you can only hope."

"But,what if-" she cut me off.

"What if you just see where things go from the phone call?" She asked clearly agitated.

I sighed and sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my palms.

"Your right Meredith,let's just see where the phone call goes.Thats depending on whether he actually answers"

"If he wants to sort things out between the two of you, he will" she chided as she looked down at her wrist watch,her greying hair falling into her face.

"Seems you were in fact correct Ms.Thornton, our time is indeed up.It has been for the last ten minutes." She laughed and stood up,but not before taking off her spectacles and laying them atop her notebook.

"I'll see you again next week?" She prodded as she led me out her office.

"Probably" I let out a humerous chuckle.

She only laughed along and opened the door.

"Gooday"

I smiled and turned around walking off to the elevator that led towards the buildings parking lot.

My last thought before leaving the building was whether he'd answer my call or not.

And a big part of me wanted him to.

***

Hope you enjoyed🙃