Corrupted Rose

CHAPTER 1

THE BEGINNING

I'm drowning....that's the reoccurring dream I keep having. I can't decide if I like it or not, I mean escaping reality for at least a few seconds and just feeling free sounds amazing right?

My dreams are the only place that my sadness is afraid of...it doesn't dare creep into my mind when I'm sleeping. I'm ecstatic when I'm dreaming. I'm happy when I'm not alone. Oh! My depression is also afraid to reveal itself around people which is why I don't understand how people can still feel the negative energy seeping from underneath my thin skin. I am no longer tough like I used to be... fearless is no longer the word people use to describe me I used to be. Or at least that's what the social worker said.

"Mommy stop!" I pleaded as I watched my mother snort another line of the white power. I had no idea what it was at the time but as I grew older I realized the white devil wasn't nameless and it grew to claim many more people in my life. Tears fell from my eyes as I watched my mother lean back in the broken recliner. Leila, my seven year old sister tried to wipe the rest of the substance off the table but I knew better than to try and "waste" some of mommy's powder. My mother grabbed Leila's hand and squeeze it extremely tightly, I watched as her nails dug into Lelia's skin. Tears fell from my eyes as Leila screamed.

Leila was my responsibility It was almost as if she was my child. I treated her that way anyways, I'm all she has and she's all I have. Our mother was so strung on drugs she barely knew we existed. At times she would talk about getting clean and wanting to attended Leila's school programs but her talk was cheap, she never showed up and I always ended up having to scrap up just enough change to get her ice cream to cheer her up a little. My mother caused us both emotional distress and I had it worse than Leila I️ got to see the side of my mother when she wasn't hooked on drugs. Which in my opinion was worse than seeing her on them. Imagine watching your mother transform from this beautiful caring woman to a ruthless, selfish, cruel bitch.

Leila never had anything to compare my mother to, she never saw my mother when her nose wasn't filled with cocaine, I wish I didn't know my mother now...everyone knows how she is, you know how many times I get called a "crack baby"? how many times I've almost been raped? How many times my mother let strange men touch me in order to get what she wanted? How many times she almost sold Leila into sex trafficking when she was only three? No, you don't. You don't have to live with those memories, you don't have to forgive my mother for every horrible thing she's done to us, I do.

I closed my eyes hoping my mother would release Leila from her deadly grip. I couldn't bare to hear her scream for mercy any longer. I jumped up from the couch and pried my mother's nails from Leila's skin. She was bleeding.

"Go wash your arm off now!" I shouted as I watched Leila hurry and run to the bathroom.

"Keep that dumb bitch away from me" my mother said.

I rolled my eyes as she lit a cigarette. I turned around facing the wall.

"Mother, Leila has asthma she can't take the smell of cigarette smoke I would take her outside but there's a thousand people smoking on their steps"

My mother ignored me and continued to smoke. A tear threatened to fall, but I quickly regained my composure and walked to the bathroom to check on Leila. I saw her staring at herself in the mirror.

"Leila are you okay?"

"No."

A frown surfaced on my face as I looked at her, she had the same look in my eye I had two years ago when I was fifteen, a look of desperation. At that moment I knew I needed to get me and my little sister away from the hell hole. I️ have a job at a local grocery store. I don't make much but it's the best I can do, I don't like leaving Leila in the house with my mother but I have to and it's not easy.

   "Leila, you know I have work, are you gonna be okay saying here with mom?"

"I guess so" she said as she wiped away a few tears.  I nodded and headed to our room, I grabbed my backpack and gave Leila a quick kiss.

"Be good okay? If Mom brings any men over go to our room lock the door and climb out the window" I reminded her as she nodded.

  I walked trough the living room, ignoring my mother as she screamed at me to go to the store and get her another pack of cigarettes, I rolled my eyes and slammed the door shut.  Being in that house made me mentally drained, I can barely think straight.  No seventeen year old should have the responsibility of taking care of a child, I'm the one that has to cook and make sure Leila's okay because my mom doesn't give a fuck.

  My walk to work was peaceful like always, that's the only time I get to myself when I'm walking back and forth to work. Multiple people ask me everyday if I need a ride but I always politely decline, hell I've even walked to work in the rain and snow once. That just shows how desperate I am for peace and quiet.

"That's not the same person!"

I rolled my eyes as I heard Austin yelling as I walked in the door, my manager was trying to convince him that some random ass person I had never seen before on a magazine was his aunt.

"I don't have to prove myself to you Austin get back to work- oh good evening Alice"

he said as I smiled and walked over to an empty cash register. I looked around hoping to see Maria, I wouldn't exactly say me and her were friends but we occasionally talked and I was looking forward to having a conversation with her today.

"Hey Alice I wanted to ask you something"

I turned around noticing that Storm, another one of my coworkers was standing behind me. "What's up?"

"You okay? You've been looking a little down lately and I just wanted to make sure everything was Gucci"

he said as he flashed his blinding smile. I nodded giving him a small smile.  Storm made me nervous, he was extremely attractive with his light brown skin and soft curly hair, he had a few tattoos scattered on various places of his body which just added to his sexiness.  I wasn't really concerned about boys but I couldn't help but notice how fine Storm is.  He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth as he stared into my eyes for a few seconds, I looked away first.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a little giggle

"Tryna' see if you lying or not" he responded as she squinted his eyes a little, after a few more seconds he nodded and walked away to the produce section.  I shook my head watching as he rearranged the bananas, I had a big crush on Storm I'm not gonna lie but dating him would mean letting him in on my life and until I find a way to fix all the fucked up things in my life I won't be letting anyone in.