Straight-Faced

apart and together

"I missed you."

I forced a small smile onto my face. "Yeah? I missed you too."

"Why don't we see each other anymore?" Logan asked.

"You haven't said hi to me yet," I told him.

"Hi."

We stood there, him on my front porch and me in the doorway, wanting to look at each other, but not being able to make eye contact.

"When did this happen?" I wondered out loud.

I wasn't sure what I was referring to. Maybe it was the awkwardness in the air, or maybe it was the fact that Logan had rung the doorbell to my house. He had the key.

"I missed you," Logan said again.

"Do you wanna come in?" I asked him, opening the door wider.

He nodded. "Kitchen?"

"Sure."

I let him inside, and I shut the door softly.

In the kitchen, Logan took a seat at the table. I found a half-eaten tub of ice cream in the freezer, and I set it on the middle of the table. I found two spoons in the silverware drawer, and I handed one to Logan.

We started chipping at the hardened ice cream, still avoiding each other's gaze. I didn't know what to say. I had known him for most of my life, all the way up until this point.

"Did we fall out of touch?" I asked the both of us.

"Sort of, yeah."

I hadn't seen Logan in person for a month, but this time around, the phone calls started getting shorter, and our texting became more infrequent.

"Is it because I kept ditching you for my boyfriend?" I guessed.

Logan shook his head. "No, you didn't do it on purpose. It's not your fault or his fault. I also recently got a girlfriend, so..."

I knew that he liked this girl in his math class at school, but I didn't know that he had asked her out. Actually, knowing Logan, it was more likely that she had asked him out. As much as he bothered me about it, he was a huge wimp when it came to making the first move.

"Congrats."

"Thanks."

Did I want things to go back to the way they were before I had turned eighteen? I mean, I was satisfied then. The satisfaction in my life came from my family, and I loved them very much. But now, I had new friends and my boyfriend. I loved them too, but this was different. Especially with Luke, it wasn't the exact same love that I felt for my family. And with all of these people, I had genuine happiness; which, I had learned, felt better than satisfaction. Logan had been right when he told me that months ago.

It wasn't that Logan didn't make me happy; he did, so much. I just couldn't figure out why all these new people helped me enjoy my life so much more when Logan couldn't help me with that.

"Did we grow up too much without each other?"

"Maybe."

We had always been close, but at the same time, we had spent our lives growing apart. It took both of us dating another person to finally drive a stake between us.

"I'm sorry," I said. "For not calling more."

"Don't be," he replied. "I'm sorry too."

"For...?"

"I dunno."

Yeah. So he felt it too.

"Okay," I said.