K-POP Advent Calendar 2017 [suholytrinity]

Door 9 - Vernon

DOOR 9:

~the path~

The snow crunched under my boots, resounding in the lonely icescape.
I had told them I would collect firewood.

I tightened the scarf around my neck and hid my ice-cold hands in the pockets of my coat. If I had turned around, I would have seen the little cabin with its small windows, where the only light escaped into the night.

How could such a warm place be that cold?

The moon was shining bright tonight, so I could see well enough to reckon the little path, that led into the woods. Firewood all over the place, but I didn't even look for it. The only thing I was focused on was the path.

They had told me to collect firewood.

That's the only thing they had talked to me about since days. Mum and Dad had been fighting all the time, my brothers had screamed at each other, everybody talked, nobody listened.

A cold breeze brushed over my red cheeks, I walked faster. I had to reach the valley, before the weather would change. Amidst the silence some firs were creaking sorely.

I would rather live in a city.

"For the family" mum and dad had decided to spend the Christmas holidays in the mountains. Did they really think they could escape the stressful everyday life from home? Since we were here, they were talking about nothing else than work and money. "For the family", well done.

They wouldn't even notice my absence.

The moon's light vanished in the dark treetops above me, it was getting darker and darker.  Anxiously I took out some matchsticks and tried to inflame them. As soon as one of them was lightened, the wind brushed over it and doused it. Not even my shivering hand, which I held in front of the flame could stop the icy breeze.

Reminded of the warm chimney fire in the shed, I turned my head back, hoping to see the shed, but all I saw were trees over trees. I once used to like the old firs, they had something fascinating about them. However, in this very moment I felt scared by them, I felt like they were haunting me. I stumbled back, and almost tripped over a bench. From all directions I could hear the sound of the wind rushing through the leaves.

Was I hearing voices?

What did I think, to just run away from home? Did I really believe that this would work?

I wouldn't reach the valley before the storm starts, but going back was no option. Was it?

I thought I would fear my home more than the storm, but I was wrong.

How would I have loved to sink into mom's arms, in front of the chimney fire, hear dad play the piano and be annoyed by my brothers running around. That's what it used to be.

I really used to enjoy Christmas, especially celebrating it with my family. But things change, and so do we.

I had a couple of friends in the valley, where I could stay over night. They would treat me kindly and we would have much fun, there would be no one telling me what to do.

But still.

Their home isn't mine. It's not where I belong to.

With wide eyes I turned around, trying to figure out the direction where I had to walk, to find the path again.

With my doubts about my home, the path had vanished, I was nowhere.